Months
by Narni
Summary: Fanfiction for The Host by Stephenie Meyer. It's been four months since the ending of The Host. Wanderer, Ian and others are peacefully living in the caves... then things begin to change rapidly. Can love really overcome all difficulties?
1. Prologue: Love and Longing

_Name: Months  
Author: Narni  
Book: The Host (Stephenie Meyer)  
Rating: T  
Pairing: Ian/Wanda (minor Mel/Jared)  
Spoilers: Yep  
Status: Work In Progress  
Summary: It's been four months since the ending of The Host. Wanderer, Ian and others are peacefully - or as peacefully as possible - living their lives in the caves and for a moment it seems that everythings perfect. Then things begin to change rapidly. How do Wanderer and Ian cope with everything? Can love really overcome all difficulties?  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or the world of The Host, just playing with it. I do not make any money from this, nor do I want to disrespect Stephenie Meyer's lovely work.  
A/N: This is the first story I've ever written in English, apart from boring assignments in my English class. I'm actually Finnish, and write this in order to get some practice for my matriculation examination this autumn, so if you notice some major grammar or vocabulary mistake, please let me know! Also, comments are very much appreciated :)_

Prologue

Love and longing

"Oh, for God's sake, Wanda, cut that out!" Mel groaned and buried her face against her hands. Her expression was pained. It wasn't difficult to think of a reason. The sound I was making - the sound of fingertips tapping against the kitchen table - seemed innocent enough for me, but all of my friends in the caves found it annoying. So annoying, in fact, that they'd started to avoid me whenever they could. Only Mel was brave enough to stick with me and my annoying habits. I'd tried to "cut that out", as she so nicely phrased it, but I couldn't help it. I was so downright nervous these days, I just had to tap my fingers against every surface I could find, or I'd end up chewing my fingernails again. I couldn't help it.

"Do you think they'll be back today?" I asked, stirring the bubbling red liquid that was slowly turning into tomato soup.

"I really hope so", Mel said, still annoyed. "Someone's going to throw you to the river one of these days, if Ian's not back soon."

I blushed deep red.

"I'm sorry, I'm just..."

"Pathetic?"

I was going to say nervous, but I supposed pathetic described me just as well. Ian and the others had been on a raid for - what, fourteen days now? Or sixteen? - and I was already a nervous wreck. Sure, the others were restless too, but I was pretty sure I was the only one who couldn't sleep. Already had I started to look like a ghost, what with my pale face and dark circles under my eyes. Every time I tried to sleep bad images flashed through my eyes. I kept thinking about every little thing that could go wrong, every way they could end up captured... I so wished I could have gone on the raid with them. That had been the original plan, but those plans had changed abruptly when I'd stumbled on the uneven cave floor and twisted my ankle. With my swollen leg and self-made crutches there was no way I could have participated, so they - Ian, Jared and Brandt - had left without me. Ian, of course, had been extremely relieved about the change of plans (he still didn't like taking me on the raids), but that was that. Surprisingly, Melanie had volunteered to stay with me, so here we were - anxious, testy and impatient.

It was difficult to say, which one of us found the waiting harder. For me it was hard, because I was still getting used to these complex human emotions called _love _and _longing. _Mel found it difficult, because she had almost lost Jared once, and knew what it felt like - being separated from the one you truly love. We both did our best to assure each other that this was not the case. Ian and Jared would come back. Soon. Then everything would be all right again. In the meantime, though -

"Wanda! If you tap your fingers one more time - "

"Sorry", I said again.

Mel shook her head, more amused than angry. "I sure hope he's worth the trouble."

At that, I blushed again. By _he _she meant Ian O'Shea, my partner. As for being worth the trouble... He was. I knew it wasn't much when I said I'd never loved anyone as much as I loved him, but it was true. I truly did love him. With my body, heart and soul. We had been inseparable ever since my rebirth as Petals Open To The Moon, and I'd grown to depend on him. Though I had learned enough about humans to understand that they weren't all cruel and violent, I still found Ian extraordinary among them. He was kind, honest and loving in a way that only a soul would be. Of course, I never said that out loud. For humans _a soul _wasn't the most beautiful compliment. For me, it was.

I was still ill at ease with the war between souls and humans - my family and my friends. Ever since I had showed Doc how to take souls safely out from humans his side had been making progress. I guess I was happy about that - as long as they kept their promise and sent my little relatives safely to another planet. Still, I sometimes felt guilty about giving the information to Doc. Ian tried to assure me it was nothing to feel guilty about. Mel said it didn't matter the slightest. I had been in her head for so long, she knew I was going to feel guilty anyway.

I was awaken from my thoughts as Jamie stepped into the kitchen, loudly as ever. He smiled at both us, tapped me on the head and leaned closer to take a peek at the stewing soup.

"Tomato again?" his tone was dissatisfied.

"Sorry, kid", Mel grinned. "That's all we have left."

Jamie sighed and sat down. "I hope they come back soon."

"I'm sure you're not the only one", Mel said, taking a mischievous glance in my direction. I did my best to keep from blushing - after all, I was not the only one either. Like Ian and I, also Mel and Jared had become inseparable. An unit. That's how we spoke about them. Mel and Jared. They did the same, too. Ian and Wanda. Now with the men gone it was all wrong. She was just Mel, and I was just Wanda again. It felt... wrong. Like I was half a person. Melanie would probably have said that I sounded pathetic again, were she able to hear my thoughts. Sometimes I missed that. Her knowing everything I thought, her commanding voice in my head. Still, it was better to have two bodies. After all, there were only so many things one body could do...

More people began gathering into the kitchen as I laid plates on the table. They had a miraculous ability to smell food, these people - even if it was just tomato soup that they all had grown to dislike in the past two weeks. First there came Lily and Heidi, chattering so intensively they barely managed to greet me and Mel in-between. Then Lacey - it was impossible _not _to notice her approaching. If I was ever truly annoyed, then it was because of her. She really couldn't stop whining. This time she seemed to be complaining about tomato soup - big surprise there. I tuned her high-pitched voice out as usual and smiled at Sunny, who slid inside behind Kyle. She had been here for three months, yet she still wasn't comfortable, when she wasn't near Kyle. She said she still kept looking for Jodi, but right now it looked like she had come to stay. Even Kyle seemed to have accepted that. Behind them came Doc, hand in hand with Sharon, who ignored me as always. Some things never changed.

Soon, the room was filled with disappointed sighs and groans.

"Tomato soup..."

"_Tomato!_"

"So boring - "

"If they don't come back today, I swear I'll - "

"Shh! There are ladies present!" Lily reminded Kyle, who was demonstrating what he would do to the raiders. "And personally, I don't think Wanda and Melanie would be happy if you throttled their men."

"_Their men _aren't doing their job", Lacey complained. "Unless they are trying to starve us to death."

"No one is going to starve you to death", Mel said in a loud voice. "Though for some of us, that would be certainly preferable."

The others chuckled, not bothering to hide their delight about Melanie's skill to voice their thoughts. Lacey looked hurt. It was good she wasn't allowed to go on raids. I was sure she'd have turned us all in just to get better living accommodations.

I laughed silently to myself. I was becoming more and more human every day. Just look at me! I was already able to think badly about other people. Not that I was proud about it. It just... Well, it felt like Lacey deserved it. After all, _she _didn't bother to think kindly about _anyone. _

Suddenly it became very dark. Big pair of hands pressed on my eyes, covering everything.

"What are you smiling about?" a familiar voice said. I would have recognized that voice everywhere.

I turned around, and he let his hands fall just in time for me to see his lovely face. Ian. My Ian. My anchor. He looked the same as ever, his beautiful blue eyes smiling lovingly at me. My heart began to beat rapidly, as if trying to break free from my chest and meet his.

He smiled and slid his arms around me, pulling me on my feet. As I got up I noticed he wasn't the only one who had arrived. Brandt and Jared had returned too, the latter greeting Melanie with a kiss that made me turn my head away. Sometimes, when Jared showed out of nowhere like this, I'd get confused about my feelings for him. I would feel _jealous. _I hated that feeling. After all, he wasn't the one I was meant to be with.

I turned my attention back to Ian and felt my heart melt into soft, warm liquid. _This _was the one person I belonged to.

"How's your ankle?" Ian asked in a concerned tone. He really hadn't wanted to leave me for the raid - not when I had been unable to walk. Sure, I'd had crutches, but, being Ian he probably would have wanted carry me around anyway.

I lifted my leg. "As good as new. It doesn't hurt anymore."

"Good", he said simply and leaned in to kiss me full on the lips. His arms tightened their hold of me, pulling me closer. I didn't object. It felt good to feel his body against mine after such a long time. Long? It had been only two weeks, I realised then. This longing was really an intense feeling - too intense. Being with him was so much better.

"Get a room", Jamie chuckled good-naturedly, as Ian's hands began to roam all over my back.

He pulled away, his arms still around me.

"You eaten?"

"Yes", I said, a little out of breath. Actually, I hadn't - there was still a good amount of reddish soup in the bowl. But I wasn't really hungry anymore. That craving had been replaced with a stronger one.

"Good."

I gasped, as he picked me up to his arms and carried out of the room, towards the little cave we'd started to call _our room. _It felt strange, having a home like that. Strange, but lovely.

He set me down on the floor, kicking the door shut behind us. Then he reached for me again.

"God, I've missed you", he breathed and leaned down to capture my lips between his once more. I was going to say I had missed him too, but there wasn't really any chance for that - not now, not when his fingers tangled in my long golden hair, not when his other hand wandered all over my body. All I could do was put my arms around his neck and pull him even closer, until there was no space between us. Just us. Exactly the way I wanted it to be.

Hours later, we lay on the mattress, too tired to move. I smiled drowsily as Ian stroked my hair. It felt good to be with him this way, so close I could feel his heartbeats against my ear. His familiar scent, the one I'd been missing, filled every inch of senses, keeping me awake though my body ached for rest. I hadn't been able to sleep properly for so long.

In a way, it was funny, I suppose. At first I had found it strange to fall asleep in someone's arms - after all, I'd spent all my human life sleeping alone. Now it seemed I couldn't relax without Ian's arms wrapped tightly around me. I didn't feel shy around him anymore - at least, not the way I used to. The first time we had made love I'd blushed so furiously I had been sure I would remain red for the rest of my life. But now... Now it was all different. I had nothing to be afraid of anymore. Ian had taken care of that. The only fear I had left was the one of losing him.

Sensing my thoughts, he leaned closer and gently caressed my cheek with his thumb.

"You're like a porcelain-doll", he murmured with a wondering smile. "So fragile... I'll never let anyone hurt you."

"The only thing that could hurt me now is losing you", I whispered.

"That will never happen, you know. I'll always be here for you."

"I love you, Ian."

"And I love you, my Wanderer. More than I've ever loved anyone", he said seriously.

Then he leaned in closer and kissed me again, slowly and gently, as if to drown all my fears. He was right. We were an unit, we would always be together. No matter what.

So why did I feel like we still had a long way ahead us?


	2. Chapter One: Dehydrated

Chapter One

Dehydration

As I opened my eyes the next morning, a weird sensation passed through me. I wasn't sure I'd never felt like this. Like... Something was wrong with me, deep inside. Like the was _too much _inside me. It certainly didn't feel good. My whole stomach was whirling with a sensation I couldn't place my finger on. I had heard the expression somewhere, while I still was in Mel's body. It was... It was... Nausea.

I had barely had time to think about the word, when I could already feel the insides of my stomach giving up. A bitter taste filled my mouth, and before I even realised I had gotten up on all my fours and thrown up. It felt awful. My throat burned and stomach ached. I gagged, trying to get rid of the nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wanderer?" Ian asked sleepily. Then his voice became sharper. "Wanda!"

He was up and next to me within seconds.

"Ian, I - I'm sorry", I said, mortified. I'd just thrown up on our floor. "I just - "

"Doesn't matter. What's wrong?" he asked in a concerned tone.

"I - I feel sick. I think I might be ill. I'm sorry", I added.

"Don't be silly, honey. Could've happened to anyone. I'll take you to Doc."

"Don't!" I shouted, as he extended his hands to pick me up.

"Wanderer - "

"You could get sick, too."

Ian rolled his eyes. "As if I'd be worried about _that._"

Without listening to my protests he scooped me in his arms and carried me towards the hospital. Doc would probably be already up and getting ready for breakfast. I felt bad about bothering him. I was sure my nausea would pass within minutes, if I only rested for a while. I knew that Ian wouldn't hear me out, however, so I concentrated on breathing evenly and not throwing up again.

He lowered me down so I could get the door. Nausea whirled over me again, as we stepped into the hospital. The smell of it, the cleanliness, the meds, the bright lights - it was all too much for me.

"Ian", I started. "I need to - "

He set me on my feet just in time. I made a rush towards the litter bin and emptied my stomach again. Tears sprang into my eyes.

"It's OK", Ian whispered. He knelt down behind me and pulled my hair back, away from my mouth. His other hand stroked my neck in a calming me. "It will be OK. Just take deep breaths. It'll pass."

"Looks like someone's ill", Doc noted, as he stepped into the room. Apparently he had already had breakfast. That made me feel a little bit better. At least I wasn't holding him up from eating the perishables.

"Wanderer's not feeling very well", Ian said. An understatement. I had never felt worse in my life.

"Well, let's see it, then. Can you sit on this table?"

I nodded weakly. At the moment it felt like even a single movement could kill me. Luckily I didn't have to think about moving, for Ian put his arms around me and swung me easily on the table. Sometimes it felt like I was not a human, flesh and blood, but merely a doll, easy for him to carry.

"When's the last time you've eaten?" Doc asked professionally.

"Last night, before Ian came."

"What did you eat?"

"Tomato soup?" It was more of a statement than a real question. None of us had eaten anything but tomato soup for two weeks.

"You think she's eaten something wrong?" Ian asked and pulled me protectively against his broad chest.

"Either that, or she hasn't drunk enough water. Look at her lips, they're all dry. When did you last drink, Wanda?"

"I - I can't remember."

"This has happened before", Doc explained in a calm voice. "Loads of times. People forget to drink, then become dehydrated. You mightn't have noticed, but we aren't exactly living in a rainforest here."

"So there's nothing wrong with her?"

"Apart from the dehydration, no. We'll just get her some water and continue from there."

"I'll get her water", Ian said automatically.

"No", I said. "Go and get yourself something to eat. You're starving."

"No, I'm not."

"When's the last time _you've _eaten?"

"Wanda", sighed Ian. "I'm fine. That is, if you'll let me fetch you some water."His stomach growled.

"Right", I scoffed. "You're not hungry at all."

"Not at all", he confirmed.

"Doc, please tell him he's hungry."

"Ian, I think you should get yourself something to eat", Doc commanded, clearly amused.

Ian opened his mouth to protest.

"And, while your at it, bring Wanda something too. She'll probably be hungry when her stomach settles."Ian thought about it for a moment. Finally he said he would go, but promised he would be back "in a second". I did not doubt him.

"What would you like to have?" "Umm... I don't know. Anything's fine, I suppose", I said. To be honest, I was quite sure I was not able to stomach anything. But he wouldn't like that. And he had to think I was feeling better already, or he would never leave my side. Not even to eat.

He touched his lips to my forehead and left reluctantly. I waited until I couldn't hear his footsteps anymore. Then I bent over the litter bin and threw up once more.

"To be frank, I really don't think my stomach's going to settle down anytime soon", I said weakly.

"Neither do I", confessed Doc. "But we had to make Ian leave somehow, right?"

"Right." I smiled carefully.

"Good girl." He gave me a pat on the head. "Now, let me fetch you some water, all right?"

He disappeared before I had time to answer. I folded my legs underneath my trembling body and sat down slowly, ready to spring towards to litter bin if needed. However, my stomach seemed to be calming down already - or maybe I just didn't have anything left to throw up. I suspected the latter. I'd never been sick before, but I'd seen plenty of people who had. Sometimes they could keep on puking for days. I sure hoped that was not the case. This body - Pet's body - was so fragile, it could hardly a fast that lasted for days. My head was already spinning.

Doc returned soon with a bowl of water.

"Drink this", he ordered.

I raised the bowl carefully to my lips and sipped a little. Water tasted the same as always - not quite like water outside the caves, but still good enough. It drowned the bitter taste in my mouth.

"Might be the best, if you drink slowly. If you take too much, you might end up throwing it up again."

I did as he told and took small sips every few minutes. I had barely drunk half of the bowl, when Ian returned, eating as he walked. He carried a bag of Cheetos.

"Not really the healthiest nutrient, I know", he said sheepishly as he set the bag in my hands. "But I thought those might be a bit more appealing than cereals. Besides, I had to grab the last bag, or they would've run out of them. Someone here has really developed an addiction to Cheetos. Someone besides you, I mean."

He smiled to me softly. I returned the smile easily. It wasn't hard for me to figure out, who the Cheeto-snatcher was. Melanie liked them almost as much as I did. That's why I'd started to like them in the first place.

"Is the water working?"

"I think it is", I said and swallowed another mouthful carefully. It seemed to settle in my stomach. "I think the worst part's over."

"Thank God. You had me worried for a second."

"It was just nausea."

"Still", he said and kissed me on the cheek. "I want you to feel good."

"I'm feeling better, I promise."

"So good you'd like to play some football?" Ian asked hopefully.

"No!" I exclaimed, unable to hide the horror in my expression. In Mel's body playing football had been tolerable - even more, I'd enjoyed it - but that had been because _her body _had enjoyed it. It was something that came from her naturally. As for the new me... I was not exactly built for running. I got tired easily, and if I got hit by a ball, I was sure to have some nasty bruises that could last for weeks.

Ian smiled. "Don't worry, honey, it was a joke. No football for you today."Another thing I liked about Ian: The way he called me _honey. _It was lovely, the fact he was able to say it so casually, as if it was the most natural thing in the world that I belonged to him.

An hour and a big bowl of water later my stomach felt so good I was actually able to eat my bag of Cheetos. We waited another hour to see if the food was really going to stay inside me. I suppose it was. At least I felt a lot better than in the morning, so Doc gave me the permission to leave. He reminded me to drink a glass of water once in an hour, and to come back if my nausea returned. Ian promised to make sure I would.

"I have no doubt about that", I heard Doc mutter, as the hospital door closed behind us.

Ian grinned as he bent down to cradle me in his arms.

"Ian", I protested. "I can walk. I feel fine!"

"That's no reason for you to exhaust yourself. You haven't eaten very much." "And I'm not going to."

"We'll see about that", he said stubbornly and carried me to the kitchen. It was crowded, as ever. Apparently it was already lunchtime. Lucina stood in front of the counter, filling plates with steaming, tempting spaghetti. She looked quite unhappy - probably due to the fact that Lacey was complaining again. Apparently she hated spaghetti, or something along those lines. I didn't really bother to listen.

Heads turned into our direction as Ian set me down on the bench. People were too accustomed to us being together to be really surprised when they saw Ian carrying me around, for that happened quite often. In the beginning, though, it had been different. I had received an endless amount of comments about how lucky I was. _"He really loves you, you know", _they had said. Or: _"I've never seen him look at anyone like he looks at you." _I'd gotten used to those comments, and eventually the staring had stopped. Now they stared at us again, though for a different reason.

"Where have you been, Wanda?" Jamie asked, his mouth full of bread.

"Don't talk while your eating!" Melanie's command came out like a whip.

"Sorry", he grinned sheepishly and continued to look at me expectantly. "Where've you been?"

"I - at the hospital. I was - "

"Dehydrated, apparently", said Ian.

Sighs and murmurs passed through the crowd.

"Oh, Wanda", Lily said, shaking her head. "You really need to take care of yourself."

"I do take care of myself!"

"No, you don't", Ian said firmly. His tone was dissatisfied.

"Yes, I do!" "There's no point in fighting, Wanda", Mel warned. "We're all against you."

"Thanks a lot", I muttered.

Jared chuckled.

"I'd be a bit more careful, if I were you, Wanda. O'Shea might lock you in his room, if you don't watch out."

"I'm not a Doberman, Howe", Ian said, irritated.

"Never said you are", Jared too. His expression was way too innocent.

Ian shook his head. "I'm officially going to throw you into the river one of these days."

"I'd like to see you try."

"Play nice, boys", Jeb commanded gruffly. "Don't want any bodies in my spaghetti."

I smiled. This was it. This was home. Not just the room, or the people - it was the atmosphere, the playful banter, the laughs and smiles. Ian's arm around my waist as he ate.

"What's in the schedule today?" Jared asked.

"Was gonna seed the north field with Brandt and Heidi. Could use a hand in there."

"I can come", I volunteered, still feeling a bit guilty about not being able to prepare breakfast or lunch, like I was supposed to. That was my task nowadays: providing meals. Apparently that wasn't too hard for me.

"No, you can't", Ian denied at once. "You're going to rest today."

"I don't need any more rest!"

"Ian's right, Wanda", Heidi said. "There's no need for you to get dehydrated again. Besides, we've got enough arms as it is. We don't need you there." "At least let me do something", I begged. "I hate sitting out when you're all busy."

"You should enjoy it. It's not going to happen all the time", Mel grinned.

"Funny", I muttered. "It feels like it _is _happening all the time."

I glared at Ian, who avoided my gaze innocently. Were it up to him, I'd probably never see a tool. Not that complaining made any difference. Ian would always be Ian - too set to take care of me to even consider another options. And tomorrow I would be officially fine. Then no one could stop me from participating their work.

I was wrong. I was _not _fine the next morning. I was nauseous again. It was a perfect repetition of yesterday, with the one exception that this time Ian managed to carry me to the hospital before I threw up. Doc brought me water again, and I drank in silence. This time, though, it was hard to believe I was dehydrated - after all, the others had ensured that I drank at least one glass of water per hour. When I'd finally gone to bed, my little stomach had been heavy with water.

"Maybe it's the flu, then", Doc decided after checking up on me.

"The flu? But how could she have gotten it? She hasn't been outside for weeks."

"No, but you have", Doc said pointedly. "Maybe you carried it... Or she might be allergic to something. Did you eat something special yesterday, Wanda?"

"Umm... Cheetos?" I suggested. If he said I was allergic to Cheetos I would throw myself in the river, without any outside help at all.

He laughed. "I hardly doubt it's Cheetos. But there are some other options..." "What options?"

Doc was just about to answer, when Ian said:

"I'd like to talk to you alone, if you don't mind."

At first I thought he meant me, but then Doc nodded and led him out of the door. I felt offended. Wasn't I even allowed to talk about my health anymore?

Luckily, the door was thin, so I was able to hear most of their conversation.

"...other options you're talking about?" Ian asked, sounding worried.

I was worried, too. The words _other options _reminded me a bit too much about Walter, who had died in cancer. I could still remember the way he had been in the end - so tired, writhing in pain... It was such a painful death. What if it was happening to me, too? How could I handle it?

To my surprise Doc laughed.

"It's nothing to be worried about, at least not at this point. We'll keep a close eye on her, though."

I sighed. I honestly had no idea how they could manage to keep any closer eye on me - and if they tried, I was not sure I could handle it. They treated me like a porcelain-doll already. At least, Ian did. If the others started too...

They murmured something behind the door, so quietly I couldn't make out the words. After a minute or two they returned to the room. I noticed that Ian looked almost... relieved. Whatever Doc had said to him, it had worked.

He sat beside me and kissed my temple.

"You'll be alright. Feeling any better?"

"Actually, yes", I said, surprised. I didn't know what was wrong with me, but it certainly didn't last long.

"Doc had a suggestion. No more tomato for you."

"But I didn't eat tomato last night", I said, puzzled.

"Yes, you did. There was tomato sauce in that spaghetti", Doc reminded.

"I didn't even know you could be allergic to tomato", I muttered. These humans never ceased to surprise me.

"You can. I have never heard of anyone throwing up because of it, but people react differently to their allergies. You might be the nauseous type." "Oh, the joy..." I was being sarcastic. I was already quite good at it.

"Think positive. At least you can live without tomato. _I _couldn't live without _you."_

"You don't have to."

"That's good", he sighed and buried his face in my neck, ignoring Doc, who had started to look like he wanted to be somewhere else.

It happened again the next morning. And the next. And the next. I spent altogether five days throwing up the first thing in the morning. I'd started to get used to it. I didn't like it, but at least I knew it was going to happen - and that it was going to pass. That meant I didn't have to go to the hospital anymore, but could spend the morning in my own mattress, the litter bin clutched tightly to my side. When the nausea passed, Ian carried me to the kitchen for a very late breakfast (so late, in fact, that it was more of a lunch). The others had gotten accustomed to my early absence, and after a few days stopped asking me about it. I was not sure, whether they really believed I had been sick. Ian's brother Kyle had made some peculiar comments about how I was just "too sore" to get up from bed. I had no idea what he meant, but Ian hit him in the head and Lily blushed deeply next to me, which made me decide I didn't want to know more. I had already learned, that Kyle sometimes implied things it was not polite to imply.

On the fifth day of my lengthened illness Melanie opened her mouth. I had barely had time to sit on the counter, when she was already on her feet and pulled me up.

"I think it's time you and I have a little conversation. Just us girls."

"I... Okay", I decided. When Mel wanted something, it was the easiest thing to give it to her. Otherwise it would just take more time - she would get what she came for anyway.

"Don't you think you should eat first?" Ian asked quickly.

"This won't take long", Mel said firmly. "Jared can entertain you while we're gone, right, Jared?"

Jared shrugged, his mouth full of stew (one that had no tomatoes in it). It wasn't really a surprise that he and Ian had started to get along better after I had "moved" to a body of my own. There was no tension there anymore. There was no reason for it.

Melanie pulled me to the corridor that led to her and Jared's room.

"I think you should sit down", she advised and closed the door.

I obliged, a little reluctantly. The only place to sit - beside their messy mattresses - was the cold, hard floor, and my muscles were still quite sore after this morning's throw-up-session. I sat near the door and tried to find a position that wouldn't hurt my back.

"OK." Melanie took a deep breath. "It's been five days and you're still the queen of discarding food. So... are you late?"

"Late from what?" I asked, confused. In these caves it was very difficult to be late from anything, because there were no clocks, no time and so, also no hurry. Chores were done when told, dinner was eaten when it was ready, and people went to bed when they felt tired. It was simple. The only time days or hours were counted was when someone went for a raid. Other than that, we used... flowed peacefully forward. So how on Earth could I be late from something?

"Sorry. I meant you period. Are they late?"

I felt warm flush on my cheeks. This was not a topic I was comfortable to discuss with anybody.

"I... don't know."

Mel sighed. "You're on the pill. When did you take the last one?"I struggled to remember. When I'd bought birth control pills from pharmacy - from several pharmacies, in fact - I had gotten clear instructions about how to use them. I knew I was supposed to take one pill every day for three weeks, then take a pause for a week, then start again. I had followed the instructions. But when had I taken the last one?

"I guess it was... last Monday?" It really was nothing more than a guess. That was enough for Melanie, though.

"So it's... Nine days?" she counted with her fingers. "And still no period?"

I shook my head, wondering where she was going with all this.

"All right", she said in a decisive tone. "I guess it's time for another raid."

"Again?" I moaned. "But they just came back!"

"No, no, you got me wrong. _They _aren't going anywhere this time. _We _are."

"We?"

"You and I."

"Just the two of us?" I frowned. "You know that won't do. They won't let us."

"That's too bad. I suppose we can't tell them, then."

"What?" I exclaimed. I thought she knew how bad I was at keeping secrets, or even worse - at lying.

"That's the only way", she said mostly to herself. "We'll leave tonight, after it's dark. Do you think you can sneak out on Ian?"

"Yes", I said uncertainly. I knew for sure I could do it - but I didn't like it. It reminded me too much about the last time I'd done it. Back then, I had thought I would leave him forever. That was not a memory I liked to dwell on.

"Then it's decided. We'll do it."

"Wait - you think _you _can sneak out on Jared?" In my mind, there was nothing more difficult than trying to hide something from Jared. He was like a wild animal, always aware of his surroundings; it would be hard to get past him.

Melanie laughed. "Don't worry. I think Jared will be very tired tonight."

"Okay", I agreed. "If you're sure... Wait a minute, where are we going?"

"To the pharmacy."

It was difficult to act like there was nothing wrong. I couldn't help it - I was overcome by guilt every time I thought about going for the raid without Ian. He would be angry if he knew. More than that, he would be _furious. _He hated it when I put myself in danger, and I was quite sure that a private raid with Mel would count as "dangerous" in his book.

I was so sure I would get caught in a lie, I tried to avoid Ian the best I could. Even that didn't work. He caught up with me as I was walking towards kitchen - casually, I hope - and grabbed my elbow. He pulled me to a dark corridor and slid his arms around me.

"I've barely seen you today. Where've you been?" he asked and pressed his lips against my ear. Then he turned my face towards his and captured my lips in a long, wonderful kiss. It felt lovely as ever, though I couldn't fully enjoy it - not when I was holding a secret like this.

"I was... around", I said, gasping for air when Ian finally released me.

"Hmm, specific. Nice", he laughed and kissed me again. I had been planning on slipping away as soon as I could, but I couldn't help it - my fingers found their way in his hair on their own and started to play with it. Well, maybe it was good. As long as I was kissing him he couldn't catch me in a lie.

"Where have _you _been", I asked quickly, when we finally pulled apart.

He winked at me. "Around."

"Well, now that we aren't _around _anymore, can we go and get something to eat? I'm quite hungry."

That was a lie. I was so nervous I couldn't even think about eating. Ian, however, seemed to be satisfied by my answer.

"Finally you're thinking about yourself", he said, slung his arm around my shoulders and walked me to the kitchen. Mel saw us come in and gave me a pointed stare. Of course, Ian noticed.

"Why's Mel looking at you like that, Wanderer?"

"Like what?"

"Like... I don't know, like you're partners in crime or something", he said. He looked frustrated.

"Partners in crime?" Melanie laughed. Luckily _she _could act, though I couldn't. "What's the crime, then? Are we planning to steal your pillow?"

"I'm just saying what it looks like", Ian said defensively.

"Jared's right. You _are _a Doberman."

"Am not."

"Yes, you are."

"Am not."

They threw themselves into heated debate about whether Jared was a Doberman or not. Mel grinned at me in the middle of her argument. I couldn't help but smile back at her. The longer the debate went on, the longer Ian would be distracted from my pathetic lying skills. In the end, also others took part in the debate. It was already late, when Ian (backed up by Heidi, Lily and Sunny) claimed that he was not a Doberman, just a concerned boyfriend. Then it was already time to go to bed.

I was relieved, when we said goodnight to others and left the kitchen. Soon Ian would fall asleep, and I could slide from his arms and leave with Melanie to get... whatever she needed from the pharmacy, and then come back and face his wrath. Apart from the last part, it all sounded very good to me. Maybe, if we were very quick, he wouldn't have time to realise we were gone. Maybe there wouldn't be any wrath for me to face it.

_Right. That's probable, _I said to myself, as Mel surely would have said, had she still been in my head.

Ian pulled me next to him and cradled me securely in his arms. Poor Ian. He'd be so scared when he'd wake up and realise I wasn't there.

I waited impatiently for him to fall asleep. Thoughts ran restlessly through my head. Why were we going to a pharmacy? Had Mel figured out what was wrong with me? Maybe that's why we were going - we were going to find some medication. But if that was the case, why did we have to go on the raid alone? It was dangerous, and she knew it as well as I did.

I tried to remember, what I'd been told in my orientation to this planet. There had been something about nausea and period - certainly, there had been something... I just couldn't remember what it was. What if it was something dangerous? Was that why Melanie insisted that we didn't tell Ian or Jared? Was she afraid I would die, afraid how much it would hurt Ian to see that. I closed my eyes tightly. I didn't want to die anymore. Not now. Everything was so perfect.

Finally Ian's grip on me loosened and I was able to slide from his arms. I did it very slowly, afraid to do any sudden movements. He wasn't as tight sleeper as he had been, thanks to me.

I grabbed my clothes and dressed in the corridor. There was no sound of Ian being awake. Good. We had to get far from here before he - or Jared - woke up.

I met Mel at the end of the corridor. She had a grim look on her face - the one Jared always wore when he was going for a raid. I realised Melanie didn't like this situation any more than I did. Still she seemed to think we had no other options. What on Earth was going on here?

"I got the keys", Mel said and started to steer me towards to entrance. Though no one blind-folded me anymore, it was still hard for me to find my way around in these caves.

"Keys?"

"To the jeep. Unless you want to walk to Phoenix?"

"Are we going to Phoenix?"

"Sure, why not? There's a good pharmacy there."

Here was my chance. My chance to ask what we were going to purchase from the pharmacy. Somehow, I couldn't make myself ask the question out loud - not before it was too late, and Mel was telling me to be quiet so no one would wake up.

"They are going to wake up anyway", I reminded her in a hushed voice. "They are bound the hear the Jeep."

"Yes, but then it's too late", she grinned and ushered me to the front seat. I strapped my seatbelt securely around my waist. She wasn't the most law-abiding person around, when it came to driving.

Melanie started the engine and slammed her foot on the gas pedal. She didn't care about the speed limits - she never did. This time I was almost grateful about that. It was a long way to Phoenix, and the faster she drove, the sooner we would be back home again. To face Ian's wrath. I grimaced.

"What's wrong?" Mel glanced at me. "Does your stomach hurt?"

"No, I - it's just - Ian's going to kill me", I sighed, unable to hide my misery.

"No, he won't. He'll be just glad to have you safely back. Trust me."

I wished I could.

The desert turned into dark blur, as Mel drove forward. I soon lost all track of time. I was so tired, I could have slept on a cactus. Still I was afraid to fall asleep. What if a Seeker found us, while I was asleep? What if I wasn't there to warn Mel, and they'd get to us before we'd had time to swallow the little syanid pill? No, there was no way I could fall asleep. But I was so tired... So tired...

When I opened my eyes again, the desert had disappeared. There was no more sand, no cactuses, no dulling darkness. Instead, everything was bright - so bright my eyes ached. That hadn't been what had woken me up, though. It had been Melanie. She was shaking my shoulders.

"Mmm... Stop", I pleaded.

"_Finally _you're awake. You can sleep really tight, you know?"

"I guess I learned it from you", I muttered and stretched myself. My muscles - small as they were - ached to get some movement.

"Well, we can fight about that later. We are here." "Here?" I tried to focus my gaze somewhere.

"The pharmacy. In Phoenix. I drove all the way here, so all you have to do is walk in and buy a pregnancy test."

"Buy what?" I exclaimed loudly.

She clapped her hand over my mouth.

"We aren't exactly alone in here!" Mel reminded sharply. Just like Jared would. They sure had a lot in common.

"Sorry", I mumbled. "I was just - "

"Surprised, I get it. I thought you would have figured it out already."

"How, exactly?" I asked. "You didn't actually give me a lecture about humans and their reproducing while I was in your head."

"Must have forgotten about that one. Or maybe I didn't think you would have needed it. Here I was, thinking you were so innocent..." She shook her head, not bothering to hide her amusement.

"This is not funny!" I cried out on the verge of panic. "Do you - do you really think I - that I - "

"It's a possibility", Mel said calmly. "A quite realistic one, if you ask me. Humans usually get morning sickness when they are pregnant."

I nodded feebly. I could remember that now. It had been shown to me in my orientation, I just had forgotten about it. It felt weird. Scary. Impossible. To think that I -

"It's not possible", I said as rationally as I could. "I've been taking that pill you told me about. You said it would work."

"Did you take it? Every day?"

"Yes", I said, though I wasn't exactly sure. How could I have been? It was all so confusing. Never in all my lives had I been commanded to take medicine every day. It was new to me, and if I was totally honest I had to admit, that it was hard for me to remember it. Still, I had remembered it. Right?

I shook my head. It was impossible to be sure.

"We can talk about this later", Mel said decisively. "When we are somewhere safe, preferably. Now, go inside and buy the test."

"I don't know what they look like."

"I'm sure your friendly souls will be more than happy to help", she said mercilessly. "Now, go on! Go!"

She shoved me forward, until I had no other choice but to climb out of the car. I was shaking. Not because of what I was about to do - I'd been in enough pharmacies to know they would not suspect me - but because of what it meant. I couldn't... I couldn't possibly _have a child. _It was so... Human. I was not a human.

I walked into the pharmacy in a daze. Thoughts rushed through my head so quickly, I had to fight in order to keep them in control. I had a mission to accomplish. A raid; just like any other raid. There was nothing special about this one, I assured myself as I walked towards the counter. Behind it sat a small women, much older than me. She had grayish hair and wrinkles all over her face. She smiled warmly at me, just like any soul would.

"Hello, my dear. How can I help you?"

"I - I - I'm looking for a - a - " I stumbled, unable to force the word out of my mouth. "A pregnancy test."

I swallowed.

"A pregnancy test? How lovely! They are here at the back, I can show you..."

Still smiling, she got on her feet and limped towards the farthest corner of the pharmacy. It made me sad to see how difficult it was for her to walk. Old age - that was something even our Healers could not heal.

"What is your name, dear?"

"Petals Open To The Moon", I said. I had decided it would the easiest thing to introduce myself as Pet, in case someone happened to recognize her. She, apparently, didn't. She merely smiled at me and said it was nice to meet me.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, too", I said politely.

"So, you suspect you are expecting a child."

"I... Yes."

Her smile broadened. "Such a lovely event. Does the father know already?"

"No. No, he doesn't. I want it to be a... Surprise." I forced a smile at her. My throat thickened when I thought about breaking the news to Ian. He would be furious already, because I had ran off like that... Would he be angry about this, too? What if -

"Here you are, my dear." The woman gave me a small box. It looked so harmless, it was almost impossible to believe it really wasn't. I wasn't holding just a box. I was holding a key to my whole future. Something that could change my whole life forever. My hands trembled at the weight of it.

"Thank you", I managed to whisper.

"No problem at all. I hope you will like the outcome."

"Yes, I hope so too."

I ran from the pharmacy as soon as possible and stumbled towards the car. Melanie had opened the door for me, probably guessing I could not force my fingers to do it. I sat on the front seat and gave a deep sigh.

Mel looked sharply at me. "Did you get it?"

I nodded.

"Any problems?"

"No." "Good. Let's get out of here."

"Wait! Shouldn't we - ?" I gestured towards the box.

"Open it, I'll drive us somewhere more safe."

I fought with the lid of the box. Melanie gave an impatient sigh, took the box from me and tore it open with one smooth movement. I turned the box around. Something fell into my lap. It was a stick - about five centimetres long, if even that. It was followed by a piece of paper. Instructions! I folded the paper open and scanned it with my eyes.

"All I have to do is hold the stick against my stomach", I read aloud. "It'll start to glow, if - if - "

"Wow, you have it easy", Mel said, sounding envious. "If you knew what _we _had to do with the stick..."

I picked the stick up and held in tentatively between my fingers. I could do this. I had to. It was just a small movement - all I needed to do was press is against my stomach for a few minutes. I could do that much. I'd worry about the rest later.

I took a deep breath and raised the hem of my shirt. The stick felt cold against my warm skin. Funny - I didn't feel warm. In fact, I had goose bumps. My heart was beating like crazy. I waited.

One minute. Nothing happened. Two minutes. Nothing. Three minutes. Yet nothing. Four -

The stick began to glow. At first the light was so insignificant, I barely noticed it. Then it began to get brighter and brighter, until it was so strong it hurt my eyes. I wrenched the stick away from my stomach.

A deep silence filled the car. The only sounds were the growling of the engine and my heavy breathing.

"Well", Melanie said at last. "I guess we don't have to wonder about _that _anymore. Congratulations, Wanda."


	3. Chapter Two: Emotions

Chapter Two

Unexpected

I didn't sleep on our way back to the caves. I couldn't close my eyes. I just... sat there, my hands folded on my lap, overtaken by shock. I pretended to be listening to the meaningless babble on the radio, though in reality didn't hear a word of it. That didn't matter, though. As long as I forced myself to look interested, Mel didn't try to talk to me.

My mind was racing. I was going to have a child. A real, human child. I couldn't quite wrap my head around the fact. After all, I was not a human - only my body was. So how was I supposed to give birth to a human child? To raise it? It was all so confusing. Scary and strange and impossible and... and... perfectly lovely. My heart pounded restlessly in my chest, undecided between the brightest of joys and the most piercing of fears. I clutched my hands to my stomach, not really realising I was doing so until my arms started to ache.

The desert was moving fast behind the windows. It wasn't so dark outside anymore; the first light of the morning was silently creeping over the hills of sand. I was able to see more clearly now. Not that there was anything to see - just the endless cactuses, ocotillos and creosote bushes. And the sand. It was everywhere. Under the Jeep, around us, flying in the air... Had I opened my window, it would've probably choked me.

I glanced at Mel. She was concentrated on driving, not giving me a single look though I turned and twisted in my seat in hopes of finding a better position. It was no use. It wasn't the seat that was making me feel so uncomfortable; it was my head, and everything that went through it.

I would have to tell Ian. Of course I had to. But what would he say? Would he be shocked, like me? Happy? Scared?_Angry? _That's what I was afraid of. His anger. Losing him. Or maybe he would be disappointed. I'd heard Jared and Brandt talking about it once - that this wasn't the world they'd want to raise a child in. What if Ian felt that way too? I didn't think I could bear to look at him and see a disappointed expression on his face.

"We're here."

I flinched as Mel spoke to me. I had been so wrapped up in my own thoughts, I hadn't even realised that the desert had disappeared around as. There was no light anymore; just the familiar, all-consuming darkness of the caves. The car slowed down and suddenly I forgot all my fears. They were replaced with a new one: In a few minutes, I would have to face Ian. And he surely wouldn't be pleased with me.

The car had barely stopped, when I heard steps outside. Someone was coming at a run. Then the door on my side of the car was wrenched open.

"Where the hell have you been?" a voice, unmistakably belonging to Ian, bellowed.

"I - " That was all I got to say, before he grabbed my hands and pulled me out of the car. His hands squeezed around my tiny shoulders, trying to force me to look at him. I couldn't. Instead, I focused my gaze on Jared, who had gone to Mel and was apparently giving her the same friendly welcome-speech. There were also others there: Jeb, Kyle, Sunny, Brandt, Aaron, Lily. They all looked relieved. I felt a sudden twinge of guilt. How long had they been looking for us?

"I've been worried sick", Ian said and shook my shoulders. "Really! What were you thinking? Disappearing like that?"

"Ian, I - "

"I woke up and you weren't there! Do you even realise how scared I was? For a moment I thought - I thought you had gone to Doc", he finished in a strangled voice.

My cheeks burned with shame. I had known he wouldn't be happy about me leaving - I had even considered the possibility he might be scared... But seeing him like this, this was all different. He looked so sad, and tired, and - and - messed up, like he'd just had there worst shock of his life. I wanted to touch him, to drape my arms around him and assure him that I was still here, I hadn't left him, but I was afraid to move, afraid of the return of his anger.

"I'm sorry", I whispered. That was all I could do.

He shook his head slowly.

"We've been looking all over for you. At first we thought it was just you, that you'd done something - left us - gone back to your world - thrown yourself to the river - "

"Ian!" I exclaimed in horror. "How can you even think that I'd - "

He interrupted me. "But then Jared came and said that Melanie was gone, too. And then we noticed you'd taken the Jeep. Have you any idea how worried we were?"

"I - I know", I muttered ashamed. "I'm sorry. You have every right to shout at me."

"But I don't want to shout at you! Can't you see? I'm just trying to make you realise how badly you scared me!" He shook my shoulders again, this time less carefully. I winced.

"Hey, be careful with her", warned Mel. She was standing on the other side of the car, glaring at Jared, who apparently had tried to reproach her. I envied her. She didn't seem to be ashamed by what we had done; she didn't let Jared make her feel guilty.

Ian glanced at her angrily. "I'm always careful with her!"

"Well, you'd better be even more careful!" Melanie snapped. "We just came from the pharmacy." "Pharmacy? What? Why?" Ian's hands gripped my shoulders even tighter. It almost hurt. "Is there something wrong with you, Wanderer?"

"No", I muttered.

"She took a test", Mel said pointedly.

The men looked confused. "What test?"

"What test?" she exclaimed and rolled her eyes. "Come on! You can't really be that thick! Now, I understand why Wanda didn't... after all, she's an alien, but _you guys..._"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Ian growled, his expression annoyed.

"She's going to have a baby!"

A deep silence filled the room. Slowly, everyone's head turned in my direction. I could feel their eyes on me. My cheeks started to heat up again. Trust Mel to burst it out like that... when everyone was listening... Then again, I was a bit relieved about not having to tell Ian myself. He was suddenly very quiet beside me, his hands tense on my shoulders. I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"_A _baby?" Brandt asked incredulously. "Just one? Wasn't she supposed to burst into million buggers?"

Melanie sighed exasperated. "I'm talking about a _human _baby. You know, one like you and me? A combination of Wanda's genes and Ian's genes?"

Now all eyes turned to Ian - except mine. I still kept staring at my feet. My heart was beating so loudly, I was sure they had to hear it.

Someone began to laugh.

"Nice one, brother", Kyle commented dryly. "For the first time in _years _we have access to birth control - and you _still _manage to knock her up? Good job."

"Shut up, Kyle!" Mel and Jared shouted.

Ian still hadn't said anything.

"We better give Mommy and Daddy some privacy", Jeb decided in a voice that was clearly a command, not a friendly suggestion. "Football in the games room, now!"

I shot a grateful glance at Jeb, who grinned and shrugged as if to say _no problem, kid. _He winked at me, then shooed everyone out of the room. One by one their voices faded, until we stood in complete silence. Just Ian and I. Just the two of us. Usually, I would have been enthusiastic. Now... My shoes had never looked more interesting.

"Wanda", Ian said, his voice rough with an emotion I couldn't place my finger on. "Wanderer?"

I didn't say anything. Just stared at my shoes.

He took a step closer and placed his hands under my chin, lifting my face until there was no other choice but to look at him. His blue eyes searched my face. What was he looking for? Why didn't he say anything except my name?

"Is it - is it true?" Ian's voice trembled. It had never done it before.

Very slowly, without taking my eyes away from his, I nodded.

There was a long silence. He stared at me, I stared at him. My heart pounded in my chest. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Slowly, so slowly I barely had time to notice it, a smile began to form on his lips, until at last it reached his beautiful blue eyes, embracing them with a shine I had never seen before. He crushed me against his chest and kissed me. A long, deep kiss that made the molten rock move inside my veins again. He moved his lips from my own and began kissing my face - my forehead, my eyes, my cheeks, my jaw... He left a trail of kisses from my neck to my left ear, until he was caressing my hair with his lips. His whole body was trembling, or maybe it was me, or the both of us... It was so hard to be sure. I gripped his shirt, afraid to move, afraid to break this spell.

Ian buried his face in my hair and inhaled.

"God, I love you, Wanderer."

"Wait." Every inch of my body protested, as I pulled away from him, but I had to see his face. I had to know. "Aren't you... Angry?"

"Angry?" he asked with a frown. "God, no!"

It wasn't until then that I realised, that he had tears in his eyes.

"Then why are you crying?" I whispered.

He smiled and caressed my cheek with this thumb.

"Because I'm so happy."

"Happy", I repeated. It felt strange. I had been so worried about so many things, but he was just... Happy. Just happy.

"Yes, happy. You don't even know what it's been like... Before you. I thought I would be alone for the rest of my life. And now I have you, and I love you so much, and we are going to have a family. That's more than I ever hoped for."

At that point I began to cry too.

"Wait a minute", he said, suddenly worried. "Are _you _happy about this?"

"I'm scared", I whispered, my voice breaking. "But I'm happy too. I want this, Ian. I want to have a family."

"Shh, don't cry." Ian pulled me back in his arms and stroked my back soothingly. "You don't need to be scared. I will take care of you."

"I know."

He held me tightly against his chest, until finally my sobbing came to an end. I was still trembling. There were just too many emotions trapped inside me. The uncontrollable fear, that was now melting away. Nervousness. This was all so new to me. Love - the love that I felt towards Ian, the love that I knew I was going to feel towards our child. It was so strong already, it scared me. None of my earlier host bodies had been able to feel this kind of love. It was so intensive, so unrequited... Even we souls, who loved everybody, could not love anyone like this, like I was going to love our child. How could I not? It was Ian's.

Ian smiled at me. No, he _glowed. _Then his expression became hesitant.

"Is it - "

"It's in here." I pressed my hand lightly against my stomach. His gaze followed my movement, full of wonder. Then, without another word, he sank on his knees and kissed my stomach.

We stayed there, on the back seat of the Jeep, most of the morning, unwilling to move. We didn't really do anything - just held each other and talked. Every now and then he would lean down to kiss me, or stroke my face with his fingertips. It seemed to me he couldn't stop smiling. Nor could I. I had never been more terrified, but I had also never been happier.

It was only when the nausea came when we finally moved. Ian took me straight to Doc's. On our way, we passed many of our friends. It seemed that news had travelled fast, for every single one of them remembered to congratulate us as we walked by. Jared patted Ian on the back, and Kyle made another inappropriate comment that caused Ian punch him on the arm.

"He is really going to be intolerable for the next nine months", Ian muttered to himself.

I shuddered. Nine months. It was such a long time - at least compared to ours. When we souls "had children", so to speak, the hardest and most time-consuming part was the decision. After it was made, it only took about a day. Sure, that one day was extremely painful, almost intolerable, but still... It was just one day.

Ian knocked on Doc's door and carried me in without waiting for an answer. He put me down on a cot and gave me the litter bin, that I had become so familiar with. I thanked him with a weak smile, before doubling over the bin.

"Well, well", Doc said. He smiled. "I already heard the news. Congratulations, Wanda. You too, Ian."

"Thanks", Ian said. I was too nauseous to do anything but nod.

"I guess you have come to discuss the... practical matters?"

"You're right", confirmed Ian with a grin. "Though it looks like I'll be the one to do all the talking."

Doc smiled in understanding. "Don't worry, one. The morning sickness should pass in a few weeks."

"Few weeks?" I moaned.

"Just try to hang on, it'll be fine", Doc advised. "There's no need for you to worry about anything. I've already delivered one baby here, I know how to handle it."

"So, you think it'll be alright?" Ian asked. "What I mean is, her body is so fragile - and she's so young - "

He glanced at me guiltily, as if he had done something bad to me.

"That might cause some problems", Doc said slowly. He ran his hand through his hair. "But I'm quite sure she'll manage. We'll keep a close eye on her. Should there be an emergency, we can take her to a Healer."

"No!" I shouted. "No Healers!"

Doc looked confused. I knew he didn't understand. The souls were my family; what reasons did I have to be afraid of them?

I swallowed with difficulty.

"I don't want them to see my child. They take children as host bodies, I don't want to - "

"But didn't you say they wouldn't take anyone's child, unless the parents were willing?" Ian asked, reminding me about one certain conversation we had had on a raid.

"No, they wouldn't do that. But... But what if one of them happened to realise who I was?" My lips began to quiver. "That I was living with _humans? _They would take me out of this body and send me to another world. And then they would surely take my child."

Ian gripped my shoulders. "You are right. No Healers", he said in a decisive tone.

"There will probably be no need for it", Doc tried to console me. "You are going to do just fine. We'll keep an eye on you, and I'll check you regularly. All the women here can help you, give you advice..."

He looked at me with sympathy.

"This must all be very new to you."

I nodded. "It is."

"Don't worry, it will all work out just fine. There is no one who could take better care of you than Ian."

"That's true", Ian murmured in my ear. "I'll take care of you."

Our news where the topic of gossip throughout the day. Wherever we went, people were talking about it (with the exception of Jared, who was still sulking because Mel had sneaked out on him and spent the whole day breaking rocks alone on the field). Lily and Trudy found my pregnancy wonderful. Heidi was wondering aloud, what our child would look like. Jeb thanked us for "continuing the species". Kyle made some comments no one really wanted to hear. Even Violetta, who usually didn't really talk to me offered to give me some tips. It so appeared that she had been pregnant, but lost her child while escaping to the caves. The only ones who weren't happy for us where - of course - Sharon and Maggie. As I entered the kitchen later that evening, I caught them talking about how "they couldn't understand how Ian could be anywhere near _it._" Not that they were trying to keep their voices down; from the menacing glances I understood they had wanted me to hear.

Tears sprang immediately to my eyes, and I would have turned around and left the room, if Ian hadn't held me still. He took my hand and told Sharon and Maggie very clearly, that he loved me and would not listen to any kind of rubbish from them.

"I really do not understand how anyone can be near _you", _he said and shook his head in disgust.

"You shouldn't have done that", I murmured, when the two women left the kitchen shooting angry looks at Ian. "I'm not worth it."

"You are worth every fight, and I don't want to hear another word about it", Ian said firmly and led me to the table.

We ate in uncomfortable silence. Afterwards I couldn't even remember, what had been for dinner - I only knew I had eaten it, mechanically. Ian kept his free arm around me as if trying to protect me from whatever that was trying to attack me. For the first time in my life that arm felt like a burden. His words kept ringing in my ears. _You are worth every fight. _He was wrong; I wasn't. I was an outsider, someone who had intruded their peaceful life and made everything more dangerous. For goodness' sake, I was one of those who had overtaken their planet! I didn't belong here, and I certainly didn't want Ian to fight because of me. If he got hurt...

My eyes watered.

"Hey!" Ian squeezed my shoulders. "Forget Sharon and Maggie! You shouldn't listen to what they say. They are just a pair of hags who are too proud and prejudiced to get to know you."

"I wasn't thinking about them", I mumbled, although their words had certainly been enough to make me sad. There was no use for being upset about it, though. They had just reminded me about the truth I was so keen to forget.

"Then what _were _you thinking about?"

I shook my head. "Nothing."

"Wanderer!" He pressed his lips together in exasperation. "You should know better than try to lie to me. We can all see right through you, you know."

I was about to answer, when Lily spoke up in a hesitant voice.

"Umm, I don't know if this is a bad time, but..."

"But what?" Ian asked, not taking his eyes away from me.

"We girls had made something for you."

Someone cleared his throat.

"Well, the girls and Jamie", Lily corrected with a smile. "We would like to celebrate your lovely news."

She disappeared for a while, and when she returned, she was carrying a huge cake in her arms. It was a real cake, with cream and everything. My mouth hanged open. How on Earth had they managed to get whipped cream? It was one of the things I missed most from the outside world. Sometimes I thought about getting it while we were on a raid, but it felt wrong to take it just because I craved for it, though I was not able to give nothing back. But there it was - it covered the whole cake. There was also strawberries. Where had they found strawberries?

"The men did a little raid to Tucson in the morning", Trudy explained.

"You shouldn't have", I said automatically. "You shouldn't put yourselves in danger only because of whipped cream."

"And strawberries", Lily reminded. "Besides, it wasn't because of it. It was because of _you. _We wanted to celebrate."

"These are the best news we've received since Jared told us about the other human groups", Heidi added. "It looks like we humans aren't going to die out, after all."

I couldn't find anything to say, so I stayed quiet and let them place the cake in front of me. It looked absolutely delicious; my might began to water just at the sight of it. Still, I hoped they wouldn't have gone through so much trouble just for me.

"I know what you are thinking", Mel warned, leaning closer to me so that no one else could hear. "There's no use, you know. They'll be much happier if you just eat your cake and thank them with a smile."

Though I still felt like complaining, I obliged without protesting. Ian and I cut the first pieces, then everyone began to argue about whose turn it was. It turned out that none of them had eaten real cake for years.

"Last one was three years ago, when I had a birthday", Jeb said. There was a look in his eyes which told that here was enjoying a trip down the memory lane. "A damn good cake it was, too. Almost as good as this."

"See", Ian smirked victoriously at me. "You've made everyone else happy too. No problem."

I elbowed him lovingly.

After all it turned out to be a lovely party. Thanks to the special treat the women had provided, everyone was on good mood. There was laughter, joking, banter... It felt good to see them like this, happy and relaxed. Things had been a bit tense for a couple of days.

Ian and I were bombarded with questions. Everyone wanted to know, whether we thought it was a girl or a boy, who we were going to pick as grandparents, had the whole pregnancy been planned... I had been a teacher, yet I was sure I'd never talked so much in my whole life. It warmed my heart to see them so interested about me, not because they were afraid of me, but because they were happy for me.

It didn't take long until the whole cake was gone. I liked my spoon contented. After this treat I'd eat bread rolls for weeks without any kind of complaints.

Ian set his glass on the table and yawned.

"You reckon we should head to our room?"

"Yeah, go ahead", Andy laughed. "You better sleep while you can. I'm sure you're gonna have many sleepless nights in the future."

"You really think they are going to sleep?" someone muttered so quietly, it barely reached my ears.

There was a sound of smacking, then a voice that sounded a lot like Jared's complained:

"Ouch! That was unnecessary."

"No, it wasn't", Mel said and smiled at him innocently.

I shook my head with a smile. Sometimes I though Jared had had it easier while I had still been in Mel's body. At least I hadn't tried to hit him every other second, like Melanie did. In the beginning it had seemed wrong to me. How could she try to hurt him, if she loved him? Then Ian had explained to me, that it would take a lot more than Mel to actually hurt Jared, and that it was just her way of showing how much she loved him. Humans, I thought, as I saw them kiss each other gently. Sometimes they didn't make any sense at all.

We carried the dirty dishes into a pile and got on our feet.

"Thanks for the cake", I said. "And the party. It was... lovely. Really."

"Did you hear that?" Lily turned to look at Mel. "It sounded like she was almost... happy with us."

Mel laughed. "Guess miracles happen, then."

"Don't get me wrong", I scowled. "I still think you shouldn't have wasted your time. But since you did it anyway..."

"Might as well enjoy it", Ian finished and ruffled my hair. "That's my girl. Now you're starting to get it."

Laughter ripped the room. It wasn't mean, though - just friendly.

"Let's go to bed", I sighed and tugged at Ian's hand. It was better to go before they could make me accept more things I didn't like.

"Goodnight, folks! Play nice!" Ian waved his free hand to the others.

"You too, mommy and daddy!" someone - that sounded like Kyle - snickered.

"Remind me that I strangle Kyle in the morning", Ian muttered.

"No, I won't. He's your brother."

"Sometimes I'm not so sure about that. Maybe his father was a milkman."

I frowned. "What makes you think that?"

"Forget it." A smile played at his lips. "Just a joke. Human joke. Very lousy one, might add."

"I think I'll never get a hang of your human jokes."

"You're getting better", Ian assured me and pulled me into our room. He dropped my hand and closed the door before taking off his shirt. I had been about to open my shoelaces, but couldn't help but stop and look at him. It was very strange. Everything about him was so big - especially when compared to my tiny frame - but still he somehow managed to look beautiful and graceful. I probably could have watched him for years in a row and never get bored.

Ian noticed my stare and smiled.

"What are you looking at?"

I blushed. "You. Did you know, that you are beautiful?"

"Am I now?" He raised his eyebrow and came closer, taking my hands in his. "Now, you must be exaggerating, because there's nothing as beautiful as you."

He smiled in a teasing way.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and lifted my face to kiss him. It was a long, wonderful kiss that made my insides crumble together. He tugged at my hand and pulled me to our mattress. His laugh ran quietly in my ear.

"What?"

"Can you imagine it?" Ian asked, his blue eyes gleaming in the last weak light. "We're going to be parents."

To be honest, I really _couldn't _imagine it; I didn't have enough experience about human parents to form a good picture. Still, in a way, I could see it in my mind: the two of us, smiling to each other, as I held a tiny little creature that owned Ian's blue eyes. I was afraid of it... but still I longed for it. Sometimes human feelings didn't make any sense at all.

He laid down on the mattress and pulled me along, cradling me in his arms. He buried his face in my neck and kissed my shoulders lightly. I shivered.

We lay in silence for so long time, I thought he had already fallen asleep. That's why I was surprised when he spoke up, his words muffled against my skin.

"Wanda. Wanderer, do you think you could - "

"What?"

Ian pulled away from me and lifted his head so he could look at me properly. His expression was weird. Was it - was it nervous?

"What?" I repeated, when he made no sign of continuing.

He ran his hand through his black hair.

"Nothing - it's just a - I know that our traditions probably don't mean very much to you, but - "

"What are you going to say?" And why did it take Ian so long to get to the point? Usually he spoke so effortlessly, just like any reasonably self-assured person would, but now it seemed he wouldn't finish his speech before I started to throw up again.

"Ian?" I pressed my hand against his cheek. He took that hand and held it there.

"All right." He took a deep breath and looked at me deep in the eye. "Wanda, you know that I love you - more that I knew I was even capable of. What I'm trying to say is... Wanderer, will you marry me?"

TBC


	4. Chapter Three: Bliss

Chapter Three

Bliss

"Wait, Wanda! I can help you with that."

Ian appeared out of nowhere, as usual. He pulled his hands out of his pockets, attempting to grab the pile of sheets and pillows I was carrying. It was enormous. Trudy and Candy had decided to wash all the laundry today, and I had volunteered to help them. Well, I hadn't exactly said anything. I had just smiled at them and picked up the pile of dry, clean sheets in order to return them to their rightful owners. They had shouted something after me - probably trying to protest - but I was already gone. The only good thing about this tiny body was that it was so quick in it movements.

"I can manage", I said and turned around so Ian couldn't get a hold of my load.

"They're too heavy for you."

"They're not heavy at all", I lied, though my arms ached already, and I wasn't anywhere near the bedroom-caves.

He gave me a dry smile. "Then why are you sweating?"

"It's very hot in here", I shrugged.

"Liar." His tone was amused, but his sapphire eyes were full of worry. That expression had become very familiar to me in these last few weeks.

"Please, Wanda. Let me help you with those." "There's no need", I sighed. "I'm fine, really."

"You would say that even if you were in severe pain."

I blushed. That was true.

"Shouldn't you be working at the fields?" I asked, trying to distract him.

"I was. I came to get some water."

"Well, go get your water", I encouraged him. "Jeb and the others are probably waiting for you." "I will. _After _I've carried those sheets."

"Why are you trying to help me all the time?"

"Because if I don't step in every once in a while, you'll keep on working until you pass out. Again", he emphasised victoriously.

I cringed. I had passed out three days ago while working on the fields. After that, Ian and Doc had told me I was not even allowed to think about going to the fields again. I had tried to protest, but this time no one had taken my side.

"I only passed out because it was hot and I hadn't drunk enough!"

Ian gave and exasperated sigh. "Wanderer, if you just - "

"Wanda, Mel was asking - oops, sorry! Didn't mean to interrupt your... conversation?"

I couldn't't help but smile, as Lily and Heidi stepped around the corner. They couldn't't have had better timing; if Ian had kept on going much longer, I would have lost for sure. He was so stubborn sometimes. Well, most of the time. He would have probably carried both the sheets _and _me, had I started to protest too much. The image brought a smile on my lips, though I did my best to be angry with him. I just... couldn't't.

"It's an argument", Ian corrected with a growl.

"Big surprise there", Heidi grinned. "It's not like we haven't heard it before."

"Did you know that Jared and Melanie have started to make bets about which one of you wins?" Lily asked with a smile.

"What?" I exclaimed, almost dropping my heavy load. "They are betting on us?"

"You must admit, Wanda, that your argument is getting pretty old", laughed Heidi.

"Well, I would gladly give it up", I said and looked at Ian pointedly. "But _he _won't."

"Oh, I will", Ian promised with a way too innocent smile. "The moment you stop exhausting yourself."

"I don't exhaust myself, I know my limits very well!" "I know you do, honey. You just ignore them."

I scowled at Ian. He scowled at me.

"Sorry, Wanda, but Ian's got a point there", Lily said carefully. "You _are _doing too much work. You're pregnant, for God's sake, you should take care of yourself!"

"I do take care of myself!"

"After you've taken care of everyone else. What I'm trying to say is, you don't have to try and make yourself useful. You are, already, and everyone knows it."

I wasn't so sure about that. At least Sharon and Maggie didn't seem to agree, along with a few others.

"Think about it like this", Heidi suggested with a smile. "You're already doing us a big favour by ensuring our species is not going to die out. Isn't that enough?"

"She's right", Ian agreed.

I shook my head, but didn't say anything. I hated arguing, and wasn't certainly going to do it while Heidi and Lily were watching. They would just take Ian's side, anyway.

"So, how've you been holding up, Wanda?" Lily asked. She seemed to be as eager to change subject as I.

"She's been doing just fine. She didn't throw up this morning", Ian added proudly and slipped his arm around my waist. Even though I did my best to be annoyed with him, I found myself leaning against him for support. My arms were aching so badly they would soon start to shake, but there was no way I could say that out loud. I tried to find an excuse that would let me continue my errand, but my mind was blank. The others didn't seem to be in any kind of hurry at all. They kept on chatting about this and that - I didn't really listen, but instead let my thoughts run free.

It had been three weeks since Mel and I had done the raid to pharmacy - three extremely long weeks. Most of the time I had been so sick I couldn't get up in the morning, and at one point I had been ready to dig my insides out just to stop the nausea. Those days hadn't been exactly easy. My body was so frail, it didn't react well to the loss of food. That's why I had passed out on the fields a couple of days ago. However, now it began to seem like the hardest part was over. This morning I had woken up without any kind of nausea at all. I wasn't the only one who was relieved. I was sure that my nausea had bothered Ian too, though of course he was too much of a gentleman to ever say anything. Still, he had began to look tired too, with dark circles around his beautiful eyes. I swayed on my spot, suddenly very tired.

"Hey, be careful there", Ian exclaimed and slipped another arm around me, supporting me. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, just fine", I said and swallowed. "I think I should go, though - I've got pillows to deliver."

"I'll help you with those", Ian said.

I opened my mouth.

"Don't say anything. We both know I'll do it anyway, so it's easier if you just deal with it. Sorry", he added with a frown. "That last part sounded just like Mel. What I mean is, we have to make a compromise here. You want me to go and work on the fields, right?"

I nodded.

"But I'm not going to go anywhere, until I've carried these for you. So, I'll go to the fields faster if you just let me help you. It's a compromise, you see?"

"I'd be happier without any kind of compromises", I hinted.

"So would I", Ian said pointedly. "But since we can't both be happy, this is the closest we can get. Now, let me take those sheets for you and come along. You can take them to their owners."

I sighed, defeated. There was no way I could win this argument, so I could just as well give up and go along with his plans. Pouting I put out my arms and let him grab the heavy pile from my arms. He balanced them easily on his right arm, and slung the other one around me shoulders. It really bothered me - not the arm, but the fact that he was able to carry the pile with one arm, whereas in my case even two weren't enough.

"See you later, girls", I sighed wearily as Ian began to lead me towards the bedrooms.

Heidi snickered behind me. "Try to get used to it! He's only looking after you, you know." "More like looking for some trouble", I muttered so quietly only Ian could hear.

He chuckled. "Sorry. Couldn't help it."

"If I were you, I'd watch out", I warned. "Someday I might be mad at you."

"Oh, I'm sure you will", Ian laughed. He shot an apologizing glance in my direction. "You know, I didn't do this just to steal your job. There's something I wanted to show you."

"What?"

He grinned. "You'll see in a minute. Let's get rid of these sheets first."

Annoyed as I was, I had to admit that his help made the whole process much quicker. Had I been carrying the pillows on my own, I would have had to set the pile down every time I wanted to take one sheet or pillow. Now it was much easier. Ian gave me the pillows one by one, and I took them to the right rooms. In ten minutes, everyone had got their pillow and sheets.

"You see, it wasn't that bad", Ian said in a teasing voice.

"No, it wasn't", I agreed. "But I would have still managed on my own."

"Stubborn girl", he muttered.

"I learned from the best", I said pointedly.

He sighed and gave up. "Let's go to our room for a while."

I followed at him, puzzled. What was there in our room that was worth showing? Unless Ian hadn't been on a raid today - which I knew for sure he hadn't - there was nothing new in there. Just the mattress, the books, the stonewalls...

Ian was smiling as he led me into our room.

"Stay here. Don't move", he commanded, stopping me at the entrance. Then he turned around and started rummaging through his backpack, where he kept all his (few) personal belongings.

I stared at him with a frown. What was this all about?

"Found it", he said triumphantly and straightened himself.

"Found what?"

I could see he was holding something in his hand, but he had squeezed his fingers around it so I couldn't figure out, what it was. Something small, anyway - otherwise it wouldn't have fitted inside his fist.

Ian came to me and took my hand in his own.

"I've been looking for this for weeks. Kyle just helped me locate it yesterday."

"Kyle?" I repeated, trying not to be worried. Usually when Kyle was involved in something, it meant trouble.

Ian laughed again. "No need to be anxious. This one's really innocent."

"What is?"

His eyes grew serious.

"Wanda, I know I asked this a few weeks ago... But I wanted to do it properly."

"Do what?"

He kneeled in front of me and opened his palm. In his hand was a beautiful golden ring, so small it looked like it had belonged to a child. It was decorated with small, shiny diamonds.

"This ring belonged to my grandmother", Ian said and smiled at me in a teasing way. "She was tiny, just like you. She wanted my mother to have this ring when she died. I - I took it, when the Seekers came to our house. I've been keeping it safe ever since."

I felt a twinge of guilt as I thought about Ian's family. It was not something I did often, because it hurt so much. Still, every once in a while it occurred to my mind, that Ian had had a family too - one that he had loved very much. My kind had taken that away from him. Because of us he didn't have parents, or a sister, or grandparents. Just him and Kyle. It felt so wrong.

Ian took a deep breath.

"Wanderer." His eyes searched for my own. "I love you, Wanderer. With all my heart. Will you please do the honour and wear this ring?"

For an ordinary soul his request would have held no meaning. But I have lived among the humans long enough to know that a question like that was a sign of true love. It meant that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

My eyes watered.

"Yes, Ian. I would love to."He smiled in relief and slipped the small ring on my finger.

"So, it's official, then", Mel noted, as she surveyed the ring on my finger. It felt strange, having it there. It was one of the smallest objects I had ever seen, and yet it filled my heart with a warm, soft feeling every time I looked at it. Ian had given it to me. He had given it to me so everyone could see, that he really did love me. I liked it. It was almost like... He was claiming me as his own. Not that he needed to. Still, I liked it. I liked the fact that I belonged to him.

"Official", Jared grinned. "How can you make it official? _Officially, _we are all dead."

"Well, as official as it can be", Mel corrected and scowled at Jared. Then she smiled at me. "When are you getting married?"

I shrugged. We had had no time to discuss about it yet. Life at the caves was so busy nowadays. We - or those of us who were allowed to - worked all day, and we were rarely alone.

"Probably soon, I guess. There's really not much to discuss about."

"Who's going to perform the ceremony? We don't have a secret priest among us, do we?"

"I suppose it doesn't matter", I said and smiled at Jared. "You yourself said we can't make it official."

"It doesn't have to be official for the rest of the world", Mel pointed out. "It's enough if it's official for you and Ian."

I smiled and nodded. As for me, I didn't need any marriage to make my love for Ian official. I had been officially his the moment I had opened my eyes in Pet's body.

"Jeez, didn't know you were such a romantic at heart", Jared grinned at Mel. "Maybe I should propose to you, too."

"Maybe you should", Mel hinted.

"Don't happen to have a ring with me right now. Sorry, Mel."

"I'll get you one day", warned Mel.

"I know", Jared smiled and leaned in to kiss her. I turned politely away, only to see Jamie standing in the doorway.

"Gross, isn't it?" Jamie rolled his eyes and came to sit next to me. "They are like rabbits."

"Hey! My lips might be occupied, but my eyes certainly aren't", Mel said as she pulled away from Jared. "Watch it, little brother."

"Or what? You'll ground me?"

"I could."

"Except I never get to go out anyway. Thanks to you two." He pointed at me and Mel.

Mel grinned at me. "Looks like my brother's in the defiant stage. Again."

I had no idea, what the defiant stage was, so I didn't answer.

"So, Ian said you are getting married", Jamie said.

I smiled. "That's true."

"What's the point? You are having sex anyway."

"Jamie!" Mel exclaimed.

I blushed furiously. Jamie had really started to sound like the fourteen-year-old boy he now was.

"Watch it, Jamie", Ian's amused voice warned. He appeared in the doorway and smiled at me. "You don't want to embarrass my girl."

"What's she going to do?" Jamie laughed. "Scowl at me?"

"She can't hurt you. But I can", Ian grinned.

Jamie measured Ian with his eyes. Sure, he had grown taller in the past few months, but was still nowhere near Ian's impressive height. He seemed to realise that too and let me be.

"So, Jared", Ian started. He sat next to me on the mattress and put his arm casually around my shoulders. "We have something we'd like to ask you."

I glanced at him in surprise. What was he talking about?

"Fire away", Jared said, his expression wary.

"Well, you probably know we need someone to perform the wedding ceremony..." "Oh, no!" Jared said quickly. "Don't even think about it!"

_Don't think about what, _I was about to ask, but Ian silenced me with one look. Apparently he was enjoying this.

"Why not?" grinned Ian. "Everyone respects you."

"Ask Jeb", Jared growled. "He's the boss here."

"And he would probably make sarcastic remarks and spoil the whole thing."

"What makes you think I won't?"

Ian glanced at Melanie and laughed. "She would kill you."

"I would", agreed Mel.

"Thanks."

"Not because of you", Mel said quickly. "Because of Wanda."

"Believe me, I know that", Ian said with a wry smile.

I sighed. It seemed that Mel would never get over her negative feelings for Ian. Not that she was trying very hard, either. She almost seemed to _like _her dislike for Ian.

"So, what do you say, Jared? Will you help us out?"

"You're only doing this to pay me back for something", Jared guessed.

Ian shrugged. "Maybe. Or maybe not. What difference does it make?"

"Nothing, I suppose", Ian said with a sigh.

"So...?"

"If you insist, then I'll do it - "

"I knew it!"

" - But I'll pay you back someday", Jared warned.

"I'll keep that in mind", Ian said and stoop up, pulling me to my feet. "Thanks, Howe. We'll let you know when we need your... Help."

Smirking, he walked out the door. I followed him.

"What was that about?" I asked as soon as we were on our own.

Ian shrugged. "Nothing special. Just some payback."

"For what?"

"Nothing special", he replied, a grin on his lips. Then his expression grew worried. "I hope you don't mind."

"Why would I?" I asked, a little frustrated. Everyone here seemed to think that a wedding was a big thing. They kept telling me I should have been more concerned about the event and I couldn't understand why. What did it matter, what kind of clothes I was wearing? Or what dishes we would eat? I wasn't getting married to pretty dresses or tasty food, I was getting married to _Ian. _To me, that was all that mattered. But these humans kept expecting something more.

I was so lost in thought I barely realised where we were going, until I recognized the dark cave better known as the washroom.

"What are we doing here?" I asked.

"Thought we'd take a bath", he said simply. He certainly looked like he needed one. I wasn't nearly as dusty as he was, but still the thought about cold water felt tempting, so I followed him into the black darkness of the washroom. He let my hand fall from his and peeled off his shirt with one swift movement. I could hear it falling onto the floor.

I took off my own shirt and let it fall on the ground. My stomach was still flat, and probably would be for some time. Doc had explained me some things about human pregnancies, but even though I tried to keep them all in my mind, I kept forgetting things. I tried to not worry too much about it.

I stripped my trousers off and stepped into the water. It felt cool and refreshing, and I sank to it, never wanting to get up again. I sighed, contented.

"Happy?" Ian asked, appearing behind me. He pulled me on his lap and slipped his hands against my bare stomach.

I nodded, leaning into him.

"Me too. And not just about the bath, bath about... everything. These past few weeks have been... Perfect." "They've been wonderful", I agreed.

"You sound worried." I could almost see him furrow his brow.

"I'm not", I lied.

"Wanda..."

It was strange. I'd gotten used to everybody else calling me Wanda, but when Ian did it, I always wished he'd use my real name. It sounded so beautiful on his lips. Wanderer. I had no idea why I liked it so much. Maybe it was because no one else called me Wanderer. Or maybe I liked it because he never used it, unless he was saying something important or telling me he loved me. It felt... special.

"I'm just... A little worried", I admitted, when Ian kept looking at me expectantly.

"About what?"

"This has all been so perfect", I whispered. "But how long can perfect last?"

"Why would it end?"

I was silent for a long time, thinking about what to say. I didn't want to tell him the real reason for my doubt: That I didn't feel like I had deserved any of this. I wanted it, yes - I wanted it badly - but it didn't feel like it belonged to me. That's why I was so afraid of losing it.

"You never know what might happen", I said finally. "We've lost a war, remember?"

At that, he smiled. At first I thought he was laughing at me, amused again, but then his smile broadened. It was a real, dazzling, genuinely happy smile.

"Why are you smiling?" I asked, confused. "I didn't think losing a war would make you happy."

"It's not it. It's just... You said w_e. We _have lost a war."

"Oh." I hadn't even realised it. "I'm sorry... I wasn't thinking."

"Why are you sorry?"

"It's _your _war. _Your _losses. I'm not one of you, I shouldn't - "

"You _are _one of us. That's why it felt so good to hear you say it."

I opened my mouth to speak.

"Remember when Jamie said you won't belong here until you decide you do? Well, I think he was right", Ian interrupted in a voice that didn't accept any protests. "I think you should start thinking about it. _I _have already decided that you belong here."

He took my left hand in his and kissed my fingers, his lips dwelling on my third finger were the little ring was sparkling.

"So, when would you like to have our wedding?" He asked, changing his tone to a lighter one. "Next week?"

"Sounds good to me", I said and managed to smile at him. Secretly I was a little worried, though. I _did _want to marry him... But I had a feeling that certain people here wouldn't like it.

"I'll kick Sharon and Maggie out, if I have to", Ian promised, guessing once again what I was thinking about.

"No, you can't!"

"I know. I was just dreaming", he grinned and leaned in to press a light kiss on my jaw. "Maybe I'll just ask Jeb to command them to make some soap."

"But we don't need any soap", I reminded him. "Not when I can get in from a - "

"I know we don't need it", Ian smiled. "But still, it would be a nice uncomfortable job for them, don't you think?"

I shook my head. "You humans can be so full of vengeance sometimes."

"Only when someone deserves it." "How do you know, whether someone deserves it?"

Ian laughed and splashed some water against my face. "Don't you even try it. I won't start an argument about ethics with a soul!"

I smiled, too. "I don't want to argue with you, whether you're a human or not."

"Then let's not argue", he suggested and pulled me back on his lap, gently kissing the back of my neck. "Let's agree. Is next week fine to you?"

"Next week's perfect", I promised. I didn't want to show it to Ian, but I still felt a little uneasy. I had no idea, how a wedding was supposed to work. What if I didn't do it right? What if I did something embarrassing, and Ian decided he would want his beautiful ring back? Or... or what if Sharon and Maggie would start a fight? It would be all my fault.

I shook my head again, trying to assure myself that nothing would go wrong at our wedding. It just couldn't.

TBC

A/N: Thanks so much for your comments! Story there isn't really happening anything in this chapter... Things will start to develop in the next chapter, _Found._


	5. Chapter Four: Found

Chapter Four

Found

I woke up in the morning and realised I was alone, for the first time since Ian and the others had been on the raid. It felt strange, like there was too much room on our mattress. I sat up quickly and glanced around the room. It was empty, like I had already known it was. When Ian was around, he always stayed at my side and waited for me to wake up before getting up. He would hold me in his arms and stroke my hair, and then, when I had opened my eyes he would lean closer and kiss me. He did that every morning. Except today.

My mind was instantly filled with worry. Had Ian gone on a raid without telling me? Or had something happened? Something bad? But no, he would have shrugged me awake, had we been in danger. Unless he had tried to protect me...

And then I remembered. It wasn't anything dangerous. It was just the day. Our wedding day. How weird it felt to think about those words? It was such a human thing. Everyone else was so excited about it, and I just... I was just worried that I'd do something wrong and somehow end up spoiling everything. I could probably do it. It wouldn't be very hard, since I still didn't exactly know, what I was supposed to do and when.

I shrugged the blanket off myself and got on my feet. The room felt even colder without Ian's warming presence. I really hoped he hadn't gone too far - and that he wasn't doing anything dangerous, for that matter.

Depressed, I put on my clothes and walked to the kitchen. Everyone was there already, enjoying their breakfast and chattering about the wedding. They looked happy, and not at all disturbed by the fact that I had arrived but Ian hadn't. Strange. I would have thought they would be at least a little surprised, because it wasn't often that I was alone these days.

"Morning, Wanda", Geoffrey greeted with a smile. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, thank you." At least until I'd woken up and realised that Ian was gone, I added to myself.

"Ready for the big day?" Trudy asked teasingly.

"I suppose", I said and managed to smile. "I don't know where Ian is, though. Have you seen him?"

I tried to slip the question casually, as if it didn't really bother me, but they caught me in a lie as usual. They laughed at me, but it wasn't mean laugh - just understanding.

"Ian was right", Heidi said with a compassionate smile. "He said you'd be worried when he left."

"Left? Where did he go?"

"Not very far", Trudy chuckled at my shocked expression. "But you can't see him. It's a rule. A man is not allowed to see his bride before the wedding. That brings bad luck."

"Really?"

"No, not really", Heidi smiled. "It's just what people believe. But still, it can never hurt to be too careful."

I sighed and sat down on the counter, not really hungry anymore. What was I going to do until I was allowed to see Ian again? I was so nervous. I had hoped he would take me in his arms and make some of the fear go away, but now it seemed like I had to manage on my own.

I ate my bread in silence and wondered where my independence had gone. Before I had come to these caves, I had been brave. Not a superhero - no, not anything like that. I had just done what I had to do in order to save myself or my friends from danger. Still, everyone had seemed to think I was brave - at least brave enough to get rid of Melanie. But I couldn't do that. Mel had won, and my courage was fading. I didn't understand how that was possible. I had been in so many worlds, some of them full of danger and fear. Still I had managed there on my own. Here it felt like I was afraid all the time. Was it because the dangers here were so different from the ones I'd experienced? I had seen death many times before, and I wasn't afraid of it. It only meant... not existing anymore. It wouldn't even hurt. But to exist without Ian - that certainly would hurt. It would tear me to small pieces. Was that the reason I was so afraid? I knew I couldn't lose him, yet I also knew that losing him would be very easy. I could do something wrong, or Seekers could find him and kill him... And not just him, but my other friends too. Jamie, Mel, Jared, Lily, Heidi, Trudy... I loved them all so much. Especially Jamie and Mel. They were my family, the way Ian was my partner.

Glancing around, I realised that Mel and Jared were nowhere to be seen.

"Am I not allowed to see Mel and Jared either?"

"Of course you are! Unless you're getting married to them", Trudy said with a laugh.

"Then why aren't they here?" I knew for a fact that Jared never missed breakfast. He was way too hungry for that.

"No idea", Lily shrugged. "I haven't seen them the whole morning."

"Strange", I mused to myself.

"Well, I wouldn't worry about it", Heidi said confidently. "Probably they just overslept."

"Or overdid something else", Geoffrey muttered.

Trudy slapped him playfully. "There are children present!"

"Stop calling me a child", Jamie crumbled, though I could see he wasn't really serious.

"Do you have any idea where Mel and Jared are?" I asked. If Mel had gone somewhere, Jamie would be the first one to know.

But he merely shrugged. "Nope. No idea."

His expression looked a bit too innocent.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Wanda, I wouldn't lie to you, now would I?" Jamie asked, pretending to be offended.

The answer was that he probably would, but, being a soul, I would never find out.

With a sigh I gave up. "I suppose it doesn't matter."

"Good!" Jamie shouted, excited. "Then you can come to the games room with me. We've been decorating it the whole morning!"

"Who's _we_?"

"Umm... Me, Lily, Geoffrey, Trudy, Heidi, Violetta, Aaron, Sunny, Heidi..."

"Basically, everyone", Jeb said dryly "Except some of my dearest relatives, of course."

I cringed at the thought of Maggie and Sharon. Like Ian, Mel and Jared, they were also gone - and I hoped they wouldn't come back anytime soon. It felt wrong to think things like that, but I couldn't help myself. They made me feel so... awful. Like I was the worst person left in this world.

"Come on, Wanda!" Jamie tugged at my hand. I got on my feet slowly and followed him out of the kitchen.

"So, are you excited?" he wanted to go, as we strolled towards the games room, where the wedding was to be held.

I tried to smile. "I guess."

"You're really an alien", he grinned. "Any human girl would be bursting with happiness."

"Oh?"

"It's supposed to be the happiest day of your life. But I guess it isn't the same for you", Jamie said with a frown. "I mean, you've had _ten_ lives, so - "

"But none of them were as happy as this one", I said honestly. "I've lived all of my best days on this planet."

"Then why aren't you jumping up and down with joy?"

I looked away, embarrassed. Jamie was still so young, though he was beginning to act more like an adult every day. How could I tell him, that I had a bad feeling about this? That I was sure something would go wrong? He wouldn't really understand - even I didn't understand!

"I'm just a bit nervous", I said with the most unconvincing smile anyone had ever seen. "It's all so new to me, you know? Everyone around here knows what a wedding is about, and I'm only beginning to understand, though it's my wedding!"

"It will do fine", Jamie said with a shrug. "You don't have to understand everything. It's just a human ceremony."

"One that's important to Ian", I reminded him.

"I'm sure you're more important to him", he answered. Wait, no, it wasn't him - it was a female.

I turned around and smiled at Melanie.

"Where have you been?"

"I'll tell you in a minute. First you have to get rid of that stupid idea that you have to get everything right at that ceremony. The important thing is that you love him and want to be committed to him. Everything else is just sheer nonsense that we crazy humans have invented." She winked at me. "The phrases aren't really that important. Did you know that in some cultures slaves marry each other by repeating three times_ I'll marry you_? And then it's official."

"What are slaves?"

Mel sighed. "Doesn't really matter. Just follow me."

"Where's Jared?"

"Getting his ears yelled off by Jeb."

"Why? What has he done?"

"Just follow me!"

"But she was supposed to come to the games room with me", Jamie protested.

"She can do it later, this is far more important", Mel said, her voice full of authority.

Jamie shrugged, not exactly pleased. He, however, knew better than to start an argument with Melanie. After all, she _was_ the big sister in the family.

"I guess I'll see you around, Wanda!" He waved at us, as Mel took my hand and started pulling me towards the corridor that led to the storage cave. I had been there loads of times, but still didn't like it very much. It always reminded me about the first few days I had spent there. I remembered the pain, the fear, the hate...

I shuddered.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Right", Mel mutter in an unconvinced tone.

"What?" I asked, a bit more defensively than I'd planned to. "Every keeps telling me it's natural to be nervous on your wedding day, and now when I am it's suddenly wrong?"

"Don't forget that I know you, Wanda. You're not nervous. You're terrified as hell."

She pushed me into the storage room and followed quickly behind.

"Right, I've got you something here."

"What?" I asked suspiciously.

"Just something we grabbed from the raid."

"From the raid?" I shouted.

"Shh! Don't shout!" Mel hissed. "It's bad enough that Jeb knows we were gone, but if the others hear... they'll have our heads. On a silver plate." "Why on Earth did you go on raid?"

"Because we needed to get something. This, in fact." She thrust a large, white box in my hands. It wasn't very tall, but heavy nevertheless. I set it on my feet.

"You went on a raid to get something for me?" I realised, horrified. "Oh, no! You shouldn't have done that! I'm not worth it." "Yes, well, I was definitely not worth of you almost killing yourself, but you did it anyway", Mel said, scowling at me until I decided it would be less painful to give up and picked the box up again. I peeked carefully under the lid. Inside the box there was something white - white and shiny. I glanced at Mel, puzzled. She only smiled at me innocently.

I opened the box and picked up the white, shiny thing. It was a garment. A dress. Beautiful, flowing dress that was so long it would easily reach my ankles. It was strapless and very simple. The hem was embroidered with silver flowers that shone like the smallest of stars.

"It's so... pretty", I breathed.

"I know", Mel said, satisfied with herself. "I chose the most beautiful one I could find. Not that there was much time to choose", she added with a frown. "And it was very dark too. But at least I got the size right."

"Oh, Mel, please say you didn't - "

"Of course I didn't steal it!" she said quickly. "Thanks to your little soul-friends, there is no such thing as stealing anymore, is it? I just needed it, so I... took it."

I nodded absently. In a way she was right - there was no stealing in our world nowadays, because no one needed to pay for anything. Still, the souls never took anything without giving something back, which - I was sure - Mel had not done.

"Now, don't look like that", she pleaded. "I wanted you to have it. You have deserved a wedding dress."

"I thought it wasn't the traditions that mattered", I murmured, gliding my finger along the silky material. It felt so soft and light.

"It isn't. That's why I'm not going to get started with _old, new, blue and borrowed_", Mel said firmly. I had no idea what she was talking about. "I just... try the dress on, will you? You'll love it, I promise."

I sighed. "I love it already, Mel. It's the prettiest dress I've ever seen. I... I just hope you wouldn't have put yourself in danger because of me."

"Danger", she laughed. "There was no danger. No one even saw us."

"Are you sure about that?" I asked anxiously. I had to be sure. If there was even the slightest chance that something had happened because of me -

"Well, to be perfectly honest, I think that this man might have ... But he was in his eighties, and besides he had no time to react at all. We were gone before he even realised we were there. I promise."

"Eighties." I shut my eyes tightly. "Mel, _he_ might have been old - but the soul inside him wasn't. _We_ don't get old. Our thoughts remain quick and sharp, no matter how old our bodies grow."

"But you still need your body's eyes in order to see anything", Mel reminded me rationally. "And trust me, when you are eighty years old, your eyes are not that good anymore."

"If you say so", I said, unconvinced.

"Wanda, I promise you! We're safe as always", Melanie laughed at my worried tone. "You know you can trust Jared."

I nodded. She was right, again. Jared wouldn't do anything reckless or careless. That I was sure of.

"Wanda? Are you ready?" Mel's voice asked through the door.

I swallowed. "Sure." "Please, no need to sound so excited", she said sarcastically and opened the door. Her eyes widened. "Oh my God, you look lovely!"

"Do I?" I asked uncertainly, eyeing myself from the mirror. I certainly didn't look like myself. The flowing dress made me look even smaller than usually, if possible, and definitely older. I wasn't at all sure I could walk in my dress without falling down. While being in Mel's body, I had never worn a dress, and after coming to the caves it wasn't even a possibility.

"Really. You look lovely", Mel said and touched my hair, which was knotted up in an old-fashioned style - that's what Lily and Heidi had said, anyway.

"Thanks."

"Nervous?"

"Yes."

Mel squeezed my hand. "That's part of the game, sister. It'll be fine. Trust me."

"I'll try", I said in a thick voice.

She laughed. "Come on! Let's not keep Ian waiting."

After a few seconds, I followed her. To be honest, I had no idea of what would wait for me in the games room. After Mel's arrival I had not had time to go and check the decorations Jamie and the others had made - Mel had taken care of that. She had told me to get dressed, and then sent Lily and Heidi to do my hair. And now I was walking towards the games room with Mel, ready to commit myself to Ian for the rest of my life.

Or was I?

_Don't be silly,_ I scolded myself, as Mel would surely have done, had she known what I was thinking. _Of course you want to be with Ian. You love him._

_I know,_ my other half answered. _I love him more than anything. But... It doesn't feel right._

_Then what would feel right?_ The more rational one of us asked.

_I don't know. I just... Do you really think I deserve this? That I deserve him?_

_It's not about deserving. It's about what you want._

_In a human world, maybe,_ my weaker part said miserably. _But I'm a soul._

_I'm a soul too. I'm part of you, silly._

_Are you sure about that? Because you sound like Melanie._

_Maybe I got some bad influence. You could use it, too, you know._

_I don't need bad influence, I need courage. What if I do something wrong? What if I hurt Ian?_

The Melanie-like part of me groaned in frustration. _You love him! He loves you! What could you do wrong? You're just having cold feet, that's all._

_My feet at perfectly warm, thank you._

"Wanda?" Mel asked in a strange voice. "Wanda, are you listening to me?"

"What?" I flinched in surprise.

"I've been trying to get your attention for the last two minutes! Where were you?"

I felt a warm flush on my cheeks. How could I tell her I was having an inner conversation with my other half, who sounded a lot like Melanie?

"I was... concentrating."

"All right", she said, but kept shooting wary glances at my direction. "Well, if you are fine... We are here."

_Here._ I looked at the enormous cave in front of me. The doors were closed, but I could see a faint light shining through the small holes between wood and rock. It was strange to see that kind of light in the caves. Mostly, we lived in between the dim light and the darkest of darkness.

"Ian's waiting for you", Mel said with an encouraging smile. "Are you ready?"

I swallowed. My throat felt thick, as if there was something wrong with me. As if I was coming down with something. But no, I was fine - I had to be, for Ian's and for everyone else's sake. I would walk through that door, and take Ian's hand, and do whatever was expected of me. If I only knew what it was! I knew that Ian had tried to explain it to me, but still... This was new to me. So new. Even too new?

_No,_ the Mel-part in my head exclaimed. _Of course it's not too new. And they won't care even if don't say all the right words. Ian won't care. He loves you, do you hear me? He. Loves. You. More than anything. So deal with it._

I laughed.

"What?" Mel asked sharply.

"Nothing. It's just..."

I couldn't finish my sentence. What would I have said? _It's just I think I'm going crazy._ I didn't think Mel would have appreciated that.

"All right. Let's go", I said and took a deep breath.

She smiled and me and took my hand, then pushed the doors open. I tried to stay calm, but just the sight of the games room made my faltering courage back down and disappear. It was so full. Full of people. Of course, it wasn't anything I hadn't seen before. It was one of Jeb's rules that everyone should be present at trials, but this was no trial, and I had not expected all of them to come. Lily and Heidi were there, and Jeb, and Trudy and Geoffrey, and Heath and Violetta... Even Lucina had come with her children, and Aaron and Brandt, though they didn't look as happy as the rest of them.

And then there was Ian. He was standing at the other end of the cave, between the two tall, white candles. I blinked. How on Earth had they found candles?

_Forget about the candles_, a voice inside my mind growled. _It's Ian!_

That was true. It was Ian, and it felt good to see him after the whole day of restless loneliness, though it felt even better too him smile. He looked so happy. As if someone had just given him the whole world.

_See? _The fake-Mel asked victoriously, as I started to walk towards Ian. Mel walked beside me, holding my hand and smiling in encouragement. Everyone else was smiling too, as I passed them by.

_See what?_ I asked myself. I knew I probably shouldn't have done that - I should have been concentrating on the fact I was getting married - but I couldn't help myself. It was so annoying to hear someone so victorious without understanding the reason.

_See how happy he looks, of course!_ The voice sighed. _Apparently,_ he _doesn't care whether you deserve him or not._

_But I care,_ I protested. _I love him so much, I don't want to hurt him. And I think it will hurt him when he realises that I'm not good enough for him. You know how he's always trying to spare my feelings. He wouldn't dare to tell me, even though he suddenly stopped loving me. And then he would be miserable._

_Oh, you're so clueless! Why can't you see that he can't stop loving you? Oh, why do I even bother? You won't listen to me anyway. Just go to him and make him happy, all right?_

_All right,_ I agreed weakly as I stopped in front of Ian. I was startled at how close he was, all of sudden. I had been so engaged in my inner argument I hadn't even noticed that I was getting closer to him. But here I was, gazing into his joyful blue eyes as he reached towards my hand. I let him take my hand and smiled at him nervously.

"Everything okay?" he whispered in my ear so silently that no one else could hear. "You looked a bit worried out there."

"No, I'm fine. I just - it's been a long day without you."

"Tell me about it", he grinned. "Now, let's get married."

He led me towards Jared, who was already waiting for us with a tense smile on his lips. It was not difficult to see that he was not at all excited about the task Ian had thrust at him, but at least he did his best not to show it to everybody.

"All right, let's get started", Jared said and cleared his throat. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to witness the - "

"Oh, come on, Jared", Jeb's voice from the audience complained. "We all know you haven't been acting like a priest, so please don't pretend to be one!"

Jared grinned. "Thanks. That was all I remembered from the Bible anyway. All right, as all of you know, Wanda and Ian have decided to get married and commit to each other for the rest of their lives. For some reason they wanted me to make it official for them, so here I am. To be honest, I have never been in a real wedding, so I think I will have to improvise - "

"Go ahead", Ian promised generously. "As long as you won't remember the part where I may kiss the bride."

Everybody laughed. I frowned. How could they be so at ease, when a soul - an alien, an _intruder, _for goodness' sake - was getting married to one of their most trusted men. Weren't they worried at all? Didn't they think Ian was making a big mistake?

He squeezed my hands gently. "Relax."

"Sorry", I whispered.

He only shook his head, smiling.

"Concentrate, people", Jared commanded. "I'm not going to make a fool out of myself for nothing."

"Sorry", Ian said, clearly amused. "Please, proceed."

"Thanks. Do you, Ian O'Shea, take Wanderer - " Jared fell silent. "Sorry, Wanda, but do you have a surname?"

"No", I shook my head. "Just Wanderer."

"All right. Let's try again. Do you, Ian O'Shea, take Wanderer as your wedded wife, and promise to love her and respect her until death do you part?"

"I do", Ian said, smiling at Jared's weak quotations.

"Nice", Jared muttered. "Do you, Wanderer, take Ian O'Shea as your wedded husband, and promise to love him and respect him until death do you part? My advise is that you shouldn't."

"Priests are not allowed to make comments", Ian growled. "You're supposed to be objected."

"Okay then. Wanda, what do you say?"

"I do", I whispered.

Ian gave my fingers a little squeeze.

"That's nice. All right, is there anyone here who thinks these two shouldn't get married? If there is, you should speak now or shut your mouths for the rest of your lives."

A silence fell upon the games room. Then -

"I think."

Everyone turned. Sharon was standing in the doorway with her arms crossed.

My heart twisted nervously. I had known this would happen. Of course someone should think that I wasn't good enough to marry Ian. Even_ I_ thought so - or, at least the other half of me did - so why shouldn't Sharon? And if she thought that way, why shouldn't she say it out loud?

"Sharon", Ian growled. "I swear to God that if you don't walk out that door right now, I will - "

"I think the two of you shouldn't get married", Sharon said in a loud, clear voice. "Frankly, it _disgusts_ me. But that's not why I'm here. I came to tell you that your _fiancées_ little parasite-friends are coming."

"What?" Jeb jumped up from his sit. "What did you say, Sharon?"

"The parasites are coming. Apparently, they've found us."

TBC

A/N: Thank you for such a nice reviews! It would really make my day if you wrote some for this chapter, too :)


	6. Chapter Five: Left Behind

Chapter Five

Left Behind

For a moment everything was silent. It wasn't the relaxed, comfortable silence I had gotten used to with Ian, but fearful and tense. Nobody moved. Then Jeb seemed to snap out of his thoughts and barked:

"Aaron! Brandt!"

I had no idea what that meant, but the two men understood immediately. They didn't ask any questions, but nodded tensely and left the room without other word. No one looked at them as they went - no one except me. I wish I had known where they were going.

They hadn't been gone for long, when the shocked silence finally broke into heated conversation. Everyone was talking simultaneously. Their voices sounded edgy, almost hysterical. Every once in a while someone glanced suspiciously at my direction, obviously wondering how much I had to do with this. Ian saw it, too. His grip on my fingers tightened in anger. I wish he hadn't been so angry. It was obvious this _did _have something to do with me.

Ian noticed my miserable expression and pulled me into his arms.

"Let's not worry yet", he murmured in a low voice. "Maybe it's just a false alarm. It wouldn't be the first time. People just get upset every time there are Seekers near."

"Yes, and it would be just like Sharon to exaggerate this. She'd just love to ruin your wedding", Mel spat bitterly. "If I had known what she's like nowadays I would never have bothered to look for her in the first place."

She didn't bother to lower her voice, even though Sharon was standing very near. They looked at each other, their eyes full of loath.

"At least _I'm _not the one who's friends with a _parasite_", Sharon said very clearly.

Ian growled. "I swear, Sharon, if you don't shut up right know - "

"All right, that's enough!" Jeb said gruffly. "Now shut yer mouths! We ain't playing any games here!"

Everyone obeyed, and within minutes all of the conversations had died out. That didn't ease the tension at all, though. They still kept eyeing me speculatively. Sharon and Ian stared at each other with pure hatred, clearly trying to decide how to kill each other.

It was all too much for me to handle. The silence, the atmosphere, the stares... I fell on my knees and buried my face in my hands.

"Wanda!" Ian knelt beside me, forgetting all about Sharon. He cradled me in his arms. "It's okay. It will be okay. None of this is your fault."

"He's right", Mel said firmly. "It's _my _fault."

"What do you mean?" Jared turned to look at her sharply. "Of course it's not your fault."

"I was the one who insisted on going on a raid last night", Mel reminded him. "And, apparently, I was the one who wasn't careful enough. That old man across the street... He must have seen us. He must have called the Seekers."

Jared stared at her with a mixture of love and disbelief. For once in my life it was easy for me to understand what he was feeling. Maybe it was because of I had spent so much time in Melanie's head. I knew Jared well enough to know that no matter what else he was, first and foremost he was a survivor. It was in his blood to avoid getting caught. And now, thanks to Melanie, that was what had happened to them. To all of us.

Mel was wrong, though. It was not her fault at all. Of course, she had been the one who had gone on the raid... but she would never had done that, had I not existed. No matter what she and Ian said, this was my fault. Everyone seemed to think they had to make me happy, though I could never, ever give anything back. I could only make their lives more difficult and dangerous. If Mel hadn't thought she had to please me...

I shook my head. "I should never have come here."

"Wanda! You have nothing to do with this!" Ian said desperately. He took my face in his hands and forced me to look at him. "Do you hear me? You didn't do this. This didn't happen because of you. Understood?"

I didn't say anything.

"Repeat it after me", Ian commanded, his voice angrier than it had been in a long time. "_This is not my fault. _Say it."

"Don't", I whispered, my voice breaking. "Leave me alone."

"Wanderer - "

"Ian, please! Just - just leave me alone."

He looked at Mel as if praying that she would know what to say. But she only shook her head, knowing that I wouldn't want to talk about this right know. Ian sighed and let his hands fall from my face to my shoulders. He hugged me against his chest.

"This is not your fault. Remember it."

Then he turned around and walked away, Mel and Jared behind him. I didn't bother to look where they went. I didn't want to see them, to hear them say that I hadn't done anything wrong all over and over again. Why couldn't they see how much it hurt? I didn't _have to _do anything wrong. Even my presence here was enough to hurt them.

I should go. I saw that clearly now. But where would I go? The souls were coming. We were trapped.

"Jeb!"

Aaron and Brandt ran into the room, breathing heavily. Everyone gathered around them, waiting for news.

"Well?" Jeb asked gruffly. "What did you see?"

"Sharon's right. The Seekers are definitely coming this time", Aaron said, out of breath. "They aren't circling around like they usually do. They are walking straight towards us."

"Walking?"

"They have two cars, but they aren't using them."

"Why?" Lily whispered.

Aaron looked at her sharply. "So we wouldn't hear them coming, of course. Jeb, you should know that there's also a helicopter."

"A helicopter?"

"It's flying above us. Looks like they're trying to get us trapped."

Jeb nodded, thoughtfully. "Did they see you?"

"No, they couldn't have."

"Well, that's good, at least. All right, folks", Jeb said, raising his voice so that everybody could hear. "Sorry to tell you this, but game's over. They've found us. We better get out of here, quickly."

"Wait!" I breathed. "We don't have to go yet. I - I could talk to them! I'm sure I could lie us out of this."

My heart jumped up and down in my chest. They had to let me do this. I had to try and repair the damage I had caused there. This was their home - and now they would have to leave it, all because of me.

Jeb shook his head at me, his eyes full of pity. "Sorry, kid. Talking's not gonna save us now. It's game over."

"What do we do?" Ian asked sharply. He had appeared to my side out of nowhere and put his arms tightly around me, pulling me into his arms. No one else was paying us any attention. They were too shocked, too afraid to do anything but shout, trying to get their voices heard. There were arguments, there were accusations. It was a perfect chaos. I wished Jeb would have tried to control them, but he let them go on.

"The emergency plan", he said bleakly.

"The emergency plan?" I repeated.

He laughed mirthlessly. "Honey, you don't really think we lived here this long without an emergency plan?"

I blushed. Of course they wouldn't have done that.

"We'd better get started then", Ian said rationally. "There's no time to lose."

Jeb nodded. "Well said."

He turned around and clapped his hands together. "All right, everybody! If you want to get out of here alive and human, stop panicking and listen up! We don't have much time, but we're gonna use that time as well as we can. Now, does anyone hear remember a little thing called emergency plan?"

Most of them nodded.

"Good", Jeb said. "That's the plan we're gonna follow. First, is there anybody here who is interested in driving the truck?"

Nobody moved. It was as though they tried to be as still as possible - as if something bad would happen, if they accidentally moved an inch...

"I can do that", Aaron said and lifted his hand in the air. His voice was weird. Of course, he never sounded happy around me, but this was different... As if he was preparing to do something terrible. Fear gripped my insides so hard it almost hurt to breathe.

"Me too", Heath volunteered. The others looked at him with a strange expression. Like they were preparing to tell him farewell.

My head was spinning. What was going on?

"Thank you, Aaron, Heath", Jeb said sincerely. His tone was gloomy. "Two is enough."

A relieved sigh passed through the crowd.

"Go get the truck ready", Jeb ordered. "Everyone else, start loading stuff to the van."

"Take the necessities only", warned Jared. "Remember, there has to be enough room for almost thirty people too. Water and food are the most important things you have to take. Everything else can stay. No books or clothes, and definitely not pillows."

I gripped Ian's hand tighter. This was serious.

"All right, what are you waiting for?" Jeb growled. "Go!"

All of sudden, the games room was full of movement again. People began to run towards the door, all in a hurry to get out and start loading our things in the van. I saw Jeb mutter something to Heath and Aaron, then they exited through the back door. What they were up to, I had no idea.

I started to follow the others.

"Oh, no, kiddo", Jeb stopped me after a few steps. "You're not gonna do any packing until you've switched clothes."

"I don't need to switch", I disagreed. I had done so much bad already, I had to help my friends somehow.

"Yes, you do", he said, and somehow managed to give me a dry smile despite the danger. "We might have some running ahead us. Would be better if we wouldn't have to worry about you falling down because of that thing."

I could see he was serious.

"All right. But I'll help when I'm done."

"No one said you couldn't", he muttered and walked after the others.

Ian bent down and scooped me easily in his arms. "I'll take you to our room. I run faster", he added, as if you prevent me from protesting. I wouldn't have done it anyway, though. Not this time. I was too scared, I had to feel Ian's heartbeats against my chest. What if those lovely beats stopped?

He used the back entrance and started running towards our bedroom cave faster than he had ever run. I squeezed my eyes shut, unwilling to look around. If this was the last time I went down these corridors, I didn't want to see them. I didn't want to say goodbye. It hurt too much to even think about it.

My heart ached in my chest again as I realised that these caves weren't just the caves anymore. At some point, somehow, I had started to call them _home. _And now I would leave, and never come back.

I opened my eyes only when Ian put me back on my feet and began fumbling through my clothes, trying to find me something practical to wear. I fought with the buttons of my dress, but they refused to open. Finally Ian came to my aid and yanked them open, pulling the dress on my waist. I was about to take it off, but he turned around and captured my hands in his.

For a while he just looked at me, a sad smile tugging his lips. Then he raised his hand and stroked my cheek tenderly.

"It seems that we didn't get married after all", he said, downcast.

"I'm sorry", I whispered, not able to tear my away from him.

"Don't be." His hands travelled into my hair and entangled themselves there. "We still have time."

"You never know how much time you have left", I said sadly, remembering the phrase I had learned from Mel.

"_I _know", Ian said sternly. "Nothing's going to happen to you. I'm not going to lose you."

"I'm not afraid for myself. I'm afraid for _you_."

"You're not going to lose me either", he promised and leaned in to kiss me. At first it was gentle and soft, somehow comforting, but then it began to change. His kiss became more passionate as his hands travelled up and down my back and my fingers pulled at his hair. In seconds, we were both gasping for air.

"Ian", I said hoarsely. "We have to - "

"You're right", he nodded. "We better get you changed."

He helped me get rid of dress and let it fall to the floor. It made me sad to see it there, laying on the dust. I had been right. It had never been right for me to try and marry Ian. This at least proved that, and I had to accept it. I was not good enough for him.

I pulled on a grey t-shirt and a pair of pants. Then Ian picked me up again and carried me out of the room. It felt terrible, as if someone had gotten a hold of a piece of my heart and wrenched it out of my chest. I didn't want to leave our room. Living there with Ian had been the happiest time of my life, and giving up on it was like giving up on my dream. Where would we go now? Would we ever find a home again?

Tears sprang into my eyes as I thought about our child. Still unborn and already homeless. It was so wrong.

I dried my eyes in Ian's shirt, hoping he wouldn't notice. This was hard enough for him without me breaking down, too.

As we got to the storage room, everyone was already there, rummaging through the stash of food. Only Aaron and Heath were missing. That made me remember something.

"Ian?"

"Yes?" he asked and put me on the ground again. He was about to go and help the others with the food, but I stopped him.

"Why do Heath and Aaron take the truck?"

"They are going to create a diversion", Ian said matter-of-factly. He didn't look me into the eye.

I nodded. That much I was able to understand.

"But why won't they take the van? Or the Jeep? I mean, there's only two of them, but there's so many of us... Wouldn't it be more rational for us to take the truck?"

"Yes, it would", Ian said honestly. "The Seekers would think so too. That's why they will take the truck."

"I don't think I understand", I said quietly.

"Wanda, the Seekers have a helicopter. As long as it's flying above us, we can't get out of here or they will shoot us. All of us. Aaron and Heath are going to distract the helicopter. They are taking the truck, because it's so big that when Seekers see it, they will think that we all are in the truck. They will go after it. As soon as the helicopter has landed, we will escape with the van, and there's nothing they can do about it."

My eyes widened as the realization hit me. "But if the helicopter goes after them..." "Yes?" Ian looked at me warily.

"It will catch the truck. It will shoot it."

He didn't answer.

"Ian?" I prompted.

"Yes", he sighed wearily. "Yes, the Seekers will stop the car."

My eyes filled with tears again. I could see it all clearly now - way too clearly. When the Seekers had stopped the truck, the only thing Aaron and Heath could do was run, run for their lives. But to try and outrun a helicopter? There's was no chance they could win. That was why they had looked so grim when they had accepted the task. They knew they would have to sacrifice themselves so the others could escape.

"No", I moaned. "No, no, no..."

I would have fallen down, had Ian not been there. He gripped me tightly and hugged me against his chest.

"I should be in that truck", I cried. "Not them."

"Wanda, stop it!" Ian commanded and shook my shoulders almost roughly. "You can't blame yourself for this. Not now. Not ever, but especially not now. We have to get us out of here."

I nodded, still trembling. My mind was filled with sorrow and horror, but I knew that Ian was right. I couldn't just stand here and let the others do all the work.

"Here." Ian handed me a box of bottled water. "Take this to the van. Quickly."

The box was very heavy, but for once Ian didn't care about it. That of all things made me realise how serious the situation was. I ran as fast as I could, though it was very dark and the heavy box made me stumble all the time. By the time I had lifted the box into the back of the van my arms very aching as if someone had pierced them with a knife, but I ignored the pain and went back to get another box.

"How much time do we have?" I huffed and puffed as Mel handed me another box. It, too, was filled with bottled water.

"Honestly? I don't know", Mel answered. She squeezed her lips tightly together. "Jared is spying on them. He will let us know when they are getting close."

"Why does it take them so long?"

"They don't know where the entrance is."

"Do you think... Do you think there's a chance they won't find it?"

"They won't give up until they do", Mel said grimly.

"This is bad", I breathed.

"Yes, it is. But we'll find a way out of this one. We always do", she said firmly.

I didn't understand how they could think like that. Mel, Ian, Jeb - they all seemed to think that this was just another problem, another close call we would escape. Had it even occurred to their minds that someday they might not survive? I picked up my box and started running towards the van again. My legs were shaking so badly I almost fell, and the only thing that kept me on my feet was willpower. I had always wondered, what a real nightmare was. Now I didn't have to wonder anymore. I was _living _in one.

I promised to myself that if we got out alive of this one, I would leave. No matter what they said to me, no matter what they did in order to stop me, I would go. I didn't know where - probably somewhere remote, where I could live my life without disturbing or hurting anyone. They would be angry at me first, especially Ian and Jamie, but I was sure that after some time they would understand. They would see that I couldn't be with them, not when they all were so adamant on helping me when in reality helping me only made things worse for them. I could leave them. I could leave them because I loved them.

"Wanda?" Trudy asked. "Let me take that box."

"No, I can carry it", I muttered.

"You've carried it this far", she managed to laugh through all her fear. "Now let me take it so I can add it to the pile. It's too tall for you."

I sighed and let her take the box from my arms. I was about to go and get another one, when suddenly a blue whirlwind passed beside me, so fast I could barely see it. But even that one glimpse was enough. It was Jared, Jared in his blue shirt and jeans. And he was going to the storage room... to tell them something...

"They're coming", I exclaimed. "Jared went to tell the others the Seekers are coming!"Jeb seemed to realise this too. "Okay, folks, the loading-time's over! Climb to the van, everyone!"

Jared and Mel came running from the storage room, followed by the others.

"Get in the van", Jeb ordered again.

"Jeb, there's no time!" Jared shouted. "They're on our doorstep! They're here in five minutes!"

"Then we'll leave in five minutes", Jeb said grimly.

"Don't be crazy, Jeb, there's no chance!"

Jeb glared at Jared. Jared glared back.

"Are you saying we should stay here, Howe? When did you start to fancy a suicide?"

"I'm saying someone has to go and stop them. Delay them. Whatever", Jared panted. "You need time to get everyone in the van."

It wasn't difficult to see that Jeb didn't like the idea, but still he was considering it.

"Jared's right", Kyle commented. "We have to go in there."

"We?" Jared raised an eyebrow.

"How many Seekers are there?"

"Twelve, as far as I know."

"Right. And you were planning to delay them all on your own? Do offence, Howe, you can think as highly of yourself as you want, but you'll need help or you're going to die for nothing. I'm coming with you."

"No!" Sunny whimpered.

Kyle turned to look at her. "I'm sorry, Sunny. Someone has to go. Someone who knows what he is doing. Might as well be me."

"But I don't want to lose you!"

"You won't lose me", Kyle said firmly and pulled her into a hug. He glanced at Jeb over her shoulder. "You have guns here somewhere?"

Jeb nodded gloomily and handed him a Glock.

"Thanks, Jeb. You coming, Howe?"

Jared nodded and picked his own gun from the ground. He looked at Melanie, and it seemed to me that they were having some kind of silent conversation that no one else could here. Mel looked like she was asking him for something, but he shook his head with a crooked smile and turned around. Melanie looked after him. Her expression was a mixture of sorrow, worry and anger.

"Wait, I'm coming too", Brandt said quickly and grabbed a gun from the pile.

"Me too."

I didn't need to look up to recognize the speaker. It was Ian. He had let go of my hand and stepped forward with an adamant look on his face.

I stared at him in horror. "Ian!"

"We don't need your help, O'Shea", Jared said quickly. His eyes flashed from Ian to me, noticing the horrified look in my eyes.

"Very funny, Howe", Ian said dryly. "Three against twelve? You need more men. Besides, I'm the best shooter around here."

No one could deny that. But still I had to try.

"Ian, don't go", I pleaded, hating myself as I did so. Of course the others needed his help. _Jared _needed his help so he could stay alive and come back to Mel and Jamie. And Kyle, too. Kyle was his brother. Of course he couldn't leave them to fight on their own. But still... Did he have to leave me?

Ian turned to look at me, a tender look in his sapphire eyes. "I am sorry, Wanda. But I have to."

"Then I'm coming too", I uttered.

A horrified expression flashed on his face. "No! No, no, no! You are getting into the car."

"No. Not without you."

Ian shook his head, almost angrily. "I'm not putting you into a danger like that."

"You aren't putting me in danger! _I'm _putting myself."

"No, you won't. I won't allow you to."

"I'm not asking for your permission."

"Wanda." He came to me and took my face in his hands. "Wanderer. I love you. I _can't _lose you. I have to know you are safe."

I started to open my mouth to speak.

"Listen to me", he begged. "You have to do this. For me. For our child."

All of sudden, his eyes filled with tears. I swallowed. He was really serious. And he was right, no matter I wanted to deny it. Had it been just me, I would have gone with him no matter he said. But it wasn't just me anymore. It was our child too, and my responsibility as a mother was to ensure that nothing happened to it.

Slowly, very slowly, I nodded. He smiled and kissed me in relief.

"Thank you, Wanderer."

"I'm so afraid", I whispered.

"We'll be all right. We'll take the Jeep and come after you when the way's clear."

"How do you know where to go?"

"O'Shea, if you're going to come, you better move now", Jared said warningly. "I can hear them. They are coming."

"I'm coming", Ian said over his shoulder. Then he turned his eyes back to me. "I love you, Wanderer. I truly do."

"Don't say it like you're saying goodbye", I muttered.

He grinned. "Hey, you tried to get rid of me once, but that didn't work. It's not going to happen now either."

"You sure."

"I promise you. Be safe", he told me, and then kissed me as though his life was depending on it. I had barely had time to kiss him back, when he already let go of me, took the gun from Jeb and ran after him.

I stared at his back, my eyesight blurring with tears until I couldn't see him anymore. Would I ever see him again? Or was he gone for ever?

"Wanda", Mel tugged at my hand. "Get in the car! Now!"

Unwillingly I obeyed and climber in to the back of the van, sitting down next to Trudy and Geoffrey. My mind felt numb. My hands were shaking. I felt like my whole world had just been taken from me.

"Let's go!" Jeb shouted and stomped his foot on the gas pedal.

TBC

A/N: Thank you again for the reviews! It was so sad to write this chapter... Now I'm so depressed :(


	7. Chapter Six: Runaway

Chapter Six

Runaway

Afterwards I had no clear picture about how we got out of the caves. It was very dark in the back of the van, and there were no windows, which made it impossible to see where we were going. I only knew that Jeb was driving way too fast, and that I sat in the back of the van, cramped between Trudy and Mel, who were both chewing on their fingernails. My feet ached, because there was so little space for me to move. Even worse, though, was the aching in my heart. It was growing worse every moment, because every passing second was taking me farther away from Ian.

I gripped Mel's hand tightly. She bit her nails almost absently, and I could tell she was thinking about Jared. Where were they now? Were they still alive? Still _human? _

Had the situation not been so serious, I would have laughed at the irony. I had spent most of my life in this planet being afraid of humans, wishing they would disappear... And now I prayed more than anything that my friends would stay human, because I didn't think I could love them any other way. I was beginning to see that we souls had been wrong about many things. We thought that humans were less than we were, that they weren't as wise, or creative, or kind... And that's why we thought that it was _right _for us to take over their world, because they weren't as good as we. But we were wrong. Humans had many gifts we would never have. They could love and hate so passionately, it could control their whole life. Maybe it was because they had so much to lose. We didn't. We were only experiencing life, not really living it.

A sudden gasp escaped my throat as Mel fell over me and knocked me down without a warning.

"What - ?" I started.

"Sorry", she breathed.

As I looked around, I saw that everyone else had problems with their balance too. Apparently the van had done a sharp turn.

"Are you trying to kill us, Jeb?" Mel shouted out loud.

We could hear Jeb's mirthless chuckle behind the wall. "Sorry, kid. Just tryin' to save us all."

I felt a twinge of guilt as he talked about saving. To be honest, he wasn't the one who was saving us, and he must have known that too. It was Jared and Kyle and Brandt and Ian, who had stayed behind and risked their lives so we had enough time to get out of the caves. It was Aaron and Heath, who had left to meet their death, so the helicopter wouldn't catch us. Were they already dead by now?

Fresh tears filled my eyes as I thought about them - careful Aaron, who had never liked me, and contemplative Heath, who had never wanted any harm to anyone. They didn't deserve this. They didn't deserve this at all.

"Wanda!" Trudy put her arms around me in a comforting manner - yet it wasn't comforting at all, because it was not the pair of arms I longed for. I began to cry harder.

"We'll get out of here. You know we will", Mel said firmly.

"I don't want to get out of here!" I murmured through my sobs.

They glanced at each other, worried. Then Mel began comforting me as well as she could. She said that she understood me and that she didn't want to leave either, but the men knew what was best for the situation. That didn't sound very reassuring, because just a few minutes ago she had been cursing Jared, because he had refused to let her stay with him.

"They'll come back alive. They always do."

"What about Heath and Aaron?" I shot back. "_They _won't come back alive."

A silence fell upon us. I could tell that they all felt guilty, because they hadn't offered to sacrifice themselves for the greater good, yet they were extremely relieved that no one had asked them to. It was true that humans were selfish to the core. But wasn't I selfish, too? I had wanted to keep Ian with me, even though his help was needed elsewhere. I had tried to marry him, too - to start a family with him, because I loved him. But that wasn't meant to happen, either. It was too unnatural. Yet I didn't care - not really, not anymore. Right now, if someone had offered to bring Ian back to me, I would have accepted, whether I was supposed to or not. I just couldn't bear to lose him.

"All right, brace yourselves", Jeb commanded gruffly through the wall. "We're out of the caves. The helicopter's down, which means it hasn't seen us yet. But the second it does..."

His foot hit the gas pedal harder, and the car made a sharp turn that made me lose my balance. The next thing I felt was my head knocking against something hard, and then nothing - just the black, merciful darkness...

bbb.

I woke up in the darkness. At first I thought I was still at the back of the van, but then I realised it was impossible. It was too cold - and the air was too fresh, as if I were outside. But how on Earth could that be possible? They would never take me out, not as the Seekers were behind us. So were was I? Why was I not in the car anymore?

Slowly, I turned my head. It was aching, as if someone had hit it with a hammer. Even focusing my gaze hurt - maybe because there was nothing for it to focus on. Just the darkness. It was different than the darkness of the caves - deeper and somehow... darker. It made me shiver.

A terrible possibility filled my mind. Had the Seekers caught us? Was I in some kind of hospital now, locked up until they would find time to interrogate me? Or was I... Was I dead? What if the Seekers had decided that I was a traitor, and deserved to die? Certainly, it was not the way souls handled things... But maybe the rules had changed.

To be honest, I had no idea what death was supposed to feel like. I only knew it was final - but what _was _final? I had tried to picture it in every single one of my lives, but never got anywhere. All species had a different idea about death, and they affected my ideas too. This was humans' idea about death. The black, never ending darkness.

Fear gripped my insides. I didn't want to be dead. I _couldn't _be dead. What about Ian? I still didn't know what had happened to him. There was no way I could die before I knew he was all right. And I was pregnant. If I died... Surely my offspring couldn't survive?

Tears filled my eyes, as I thought about the little beginning of a life inside me. It was so small, almost non-existent, yet the most powerful thing I had ever known. I didn't think I could bear it, if I had destroyed it too.

Suddenly, a light. It flashed before my eyes so brightly that for a second I thought I had lost my eyesight. Then things began to get clearer. There really _was _a light - and not just any weak light, but bright, strong, real light. A bit yellowish. It reminded me of hospitals.

I tried to sit up, but I was too weak to move my muscles. Was it because I had been drugged by the Healers, or because I was dead?

"Don't try to move", a strange voice commanded. It belonged to a male, but I had never heard it before, or at least I didn't recognize it. Probably a Healer, I thought worriedly. Or a Seeker who had come to ask me some questions, before taking me out of this body.

"Whatma - " my words came out in a slur.

"You hit your head pretty hard", the voice continued. "We healed you, of course, but you might still have a concussion, so please take it easy."

That tone. That overly pleasant voice. It could only belong to another soul. So they had really taken me captive. What had he said? That I had hit my head, but they had healed... And what was a concussion? I was sure I had heard Doc use the phrase once or twice, when I had hit my head somewhere... The time I had fainted on the fields...

My thoughts ran way more slowly than I would have liked.

"Wanderer? Do you hear what I'm saying?"

A hand landed on my shoulder and brushed it carefully. It, too, felt a bit sore.

I whimpered.

"Don't worry, Wanderer. You are safe now."

Safe... Whose definition of _safe _as it? Ours, or theirs? More importantly, who were _us? _And who were _them? _

Oh, my. What had happened to my friends? If I was safe, if Healers had taken care of me... That could only mean that the Seekers had caught us. What had they done to my friends?

I sat up so quickly I almost fell down on my nose.

"Whoa, be careful, Wanderer!" the voice laughed and grabbed my shoulders before I could fall. "Move slowly! Of course, it would be better if you didn't move at all."

"Jamie... Mel..."

"Your friends are fine. Well, that unfriendly one called Lacey, she has a concussion... Apparently your friend Melanie knocked her down. These humans, they can be very violent sometimes, don't you agree?" "Who are you?" I whispered hoarsely.

"Oh, don't you remember me? I'm Burns. One of Nate's group. The other native, remember?" I could tell from his voice that he was grinning.

Burns. Nate's group. The words slowly filled my mind. Did that mean -

"So we - ?"

"Escaped? Yes. From what I've heard from your peculiar friend Jeb, it was a really close call, but you did it. The distraction worked."

It worked. So Aaron and Heath were dead.

I closed my eyes and mourned.

"There, there." Burns patted my shoulder gently. "I know it's hard. Didn't please me either. But I have lived here long enough to know that sometimes you have to make sacrifices."

"Only if you're a human", I whispered.

"No." He shook his head firmly. "We know it too. The Seekers know it."

"That's why... I don't... like Seekers."

He chuckled. "Well, I can assure you you won't have to meet them for a while. You are safe here."

"Where exactly is... here?" I asked slowly. "It's so dark..."

"It's because it's basically underground. It's the safest place we could find."

"Oh."

I was quiet for a moment, trying to process everything I had heard. Heath and Aaron had died to save us, and we were safe. Only Lacey was hurt - and I, of course. Somehow it seemed that no matter what happened, I was always the one who got hurt.

"What happened to me?"

"Your friend Melanie says that Jeb's car turned sharply, and you lost your balance and hit your head on a sharp corner of a box. It could have happened to anyone."

Of course. That was what Ian would have said too, trying to comfort -

"Ian!" I exclaimed, as I remembered. How could I have forgotten. "Where is Ian?"

Burns looked confused. "Who is Ian?"

"Ian! My Ian! You've met him, remember? When we first met? Black hair, blue eyes?"

"The man who looked like he would kill us if we even tried to touch you?"

I nodded. That was as good a description as any.

"Sorry", Burns shook his head. "I haven't seem him around here."

A wave of pain flooded through my chest. He must have seen it, because he put his arms around me as if to stop me from falling again.

"Where does it hurt?"

"My heart..."

"Oh." He nodded in understanding. "He is your partner, isn't he?"

It was my turn to nod.

"I understand. These human feelings can be really strong sometimes."

"If you just knew..."

"I can go and ask, if anyone has seen this Ian", Burns nodded.

"Please do so", I begged. "I'm really... worried. He and some others stayed behind and tried to delay the Seekers. If they haven't come yet..."

"Don't worry about it, Wanderer. I'm sure they have only got lost. It is very difficult to find a way to our hideout. They will come soon, I am sure of it."

I wished I could have believed him, but I didn't.

bbb.

Burns came back an hour later, announcing that no one had seen Ian and the others, nor knew anything about their movements. The news were so painful to hear, for a while it felt like I would die there and then. But I couldn't do that. Not now, not when Ian was somewhere in the desert, maybe captured or hurt - or, worst of all, _dead _- because he had wanted to protect me and our child. I had to make sure he was fine. And if he wasn't... I would run around the world, if that was what I needed to do to find him. I would not give.

I got on my feet, ignoring Burns's warnings and protects. My legs felt like jelly, and my head was spinning, but I was sure I would stay on my feet - not because of I was strong or anything, but because I had to. There was no other choice.

"Where are the others?"

"In the dining room. They are... discussing about the situation", Burns said carefully.

"Discussing?" I repeated, frowning.

"Yes. About whether they should send someone to look for your friends."

"Are they actually _discussing _about that?" I almost shouted. "Of course someone should go and search for them! They are part of the group! Our friends!"

"Wanderer, calm down", he pleaded, looking me straight to the eye. He had comforting eyes, probably because they reminded me about my real family. He was a soul like me. So why didn't he sound like one?

"The situation is... Complicated", Burns continued, a pained expression on his face. "The Seekers are probably still out there, trying to figure out where you disappeared. It is dangerous to go out right now."

"But they risked their lives for us! They put themselves in danger! Of course we have to do the same for them!" "I know, Wanderer, I know. But sometimes we have to think about the... greater good."

I stared at him, shocked.

"You sound like a human!" "I've been here for many years", he exclaimed with a dry smile. "I was bound to learn something."

"Learn... Or forget", I said, unable to hide the bitterness in my voice.

"Don't get me wrong. I'm not proud about it. I'd much rather be still peaceful and kind and... and _happy. _But things don't work like that in this world. Here you have to fight for what you love."

"But - "

"We come here to experience things, not to change them", he reminded me gently.

"What about us?" I whispered. "What if we change _ourselves?_"

At that, he didn't answer, but took my hand and led me to the dining room. On the way, I did my best to look around myself to pick up the differences between our caves and this hideout, but I did poor job. Burns's hand in my own bothered me. I knew it was supposed to be a friendly, comforting gesture - common among all souls - but still, it felt wrong. It wasn't the hand I missed so much.

The dining room was huge. Although there were fewer of them than us, they certainly had more space than we ever did. It was not difficult to notice that the whole place was built underground. It smelt funny, a bit mouldy and stuffy. I was not at all sure, whether or not I liked it. Still, it was beautiful. The walls were wood, as was the floor. It was a nice change to the uneven rock floor of the caves. In the middle of the room was a long, wooden table filled with plates and candles. There was enough room for maybe thirty people. The rest of them sat on a floor, or on each other's laps.

There certainly were many of them. It was probably the first time our group had met another humans for many years, but still the atmosphere wasn't particularly happy. It had probably something to do with the loss of our home, and - even more importantly - the loss of Aaron and Heath.

"Wanderer is here", Burns announced, as we stopped at the door.

Everyone turned to look at me. So many familiar faces, so many strange ones...

"She's the one Nate told you about", Burns explained to the unfamiliar faces. "The one who's gone native."

All at once, they began to smile at me. Apparently, people like me and Burns were much appreciated here. Had the circumstances been different, I would have been very happy about it. Now I was just... grateful.

"Wanda!" Jamie jumped up from his seat. "Come and eat! You can have my spot!" "No, Jamie." I began to shake my head. "I'm not hungry."

"Of course you are. There's no use arguing."

"I'm not trying to argue", I said honestly. My voice was exhausted. "I really can't eat. I'm too... Worried."

Their smiles faded, as their thoughts jumped to Ian and the others.

"Oh, Wanda, I'm sure they are fine", Heidi said in a reassuring voice. "They are just probably being extremely careful, to ensure that they won't lead any Seekers here."

"Or maybe they are dead", I said bluntly, too worried to listen to their attempts to comfort me. "We have to go looking for them."

"Well, now, Wanda, that's a tricky thing", Jeb started in his deep voice.

I shook my head adamantly. "No, there's nothing tricky about it. We have to go and find them."

"We will, we just have to - "

"Wait?"

"Wanda, they risked their lives so we could get out of there. It would be a poor way of showing our gratitude, if we got ourselves killed", Jeb said firmly.

I kept shaking my head. Why couldn't they understand? It wasn't about surviving, or being grateful or letting it show - it was about the fact that I loved him.

"Please, don't tell me you agree with him, Mel", I pleaded, looking at her.

Mel twitched uncomfortably in her seat. "Well, of course I don't like it - "

"How can you say that? It's Jared!"

"And he knows what he wants", Mel answered, though in dissatisfied tone. "This is what he wanted, so... I'll just have to live with it."

I stared at her, unable to believe my ears. So she really wasn't going to take my side? She looked back at me, apologizing wordlessly, but didn't look like she going to change her mind. I sighed and turned to look at the others. It was not easy to tell that they agreed with Jeb. They were still mourning the loss of their home, and overwhelmed by this new, underground hideout. They were just happy to be safe. Of course, they seemed to pity me, but that wasn't enough. They weren't going to help me in any way.

"I know this is hard for you, kiddo", Jeb muttered gruffly. "But let's give it a few days, okay? Wouldn't do us any good to wander in the desert and get us caught, if they arrive here on their own in a couple a' days."

Disappointment flowed through me. Devastated, I turned on my heels and stumbled back to the dim corridor I had come from. I really had no idea of where I was going. I had no room here, this was not my home - just a place I'd ended up in. Just like any other place. It mattered nothing to me.

I found an empty room that looked a lot like washroom. There were washing machines and ironing boards, and clean clothes hanging everywhere. Through my sorrow I could only wonder, how they had gotten all these things unnoticed. Then I realised that Burns had probably been with humans much longer than I had. He would have no problem in "buying" these things.

I sat in the corner of room, between two enormous washing machines. There wasn't much space, but I didn't mind. I just wanted to be alone. My head was already so full of incoherent thoughts, it felt like it was going to burst if someone tried to speak to me.

_Ian, _my thoughts cried. _Ian, where are you? They won't let me look for you. Please be okay. Please come back to me and say you are fine._

There was no answer; just the low hum of the washing machine next to me. I pressed my ear against it and closed my eyes. It shuddered against me, but I didn't really feel it, because I was shaking, too. Ian had to come back to me. That was the only way I could live with myself anymore. Otherwise I would just... Well, not die, but certainly fade away - and even that would be preferable.

A sad laugh escaped my throat as I remembered my earlier thoughts about leaving this group as soon as the danger was over. What a fool I had been! Of course I couldn't leave this group. I needed them too much, even though I was putting them in danger. Was I selfish now? If I was, I didn't care. I wanted to be with Ian.

bbb.

"Wanderer?" Someone was gently shaking my shoulders. "Wanderer? Wake up! We've been looking all over for you!"

Slowly, I opened my eyes. I didn't really have any will to do so, but I was too curious. Who had been looking for me? Well, apparently everybody - but who was this person? And why hadn't they found me sooner? I had just been in my room, as usual -

No, I hadn't, I realised then. This was not my room. There was no mattress, no messy piles of clothes, no darkness - just the piercing, white light that shone from the ceiling, and white washing machines everywhere. I was still in the washing room. I must have fallen asleep at some point.

And this was Burns, I recognized him now. He had the same reflective eyes than I did. He looked like home.

"Hello", I said in raspy voice.

"Everyone has been really worried. They thought you had gone outside."

"Outside?" I repeated. "I don't even know where the door is."

"That's what I told them too, but that Melanie said you would - " He didn't finish his sentence.

"I would what?" I prompted.

"Never mind", he shrugged. "I'm just glad I found you. Why did you came here in the first place? All right, I know there's not enough rooms for all of us yet, but there's no need for anyone to sleep between the washing machines!"

My eyes flicked to my fingers. I didn't want to look him in the eye.

"Oh." He seemed to finally process my mood. "You are still worried about your partner."

"How could I not be?" I said, exasperated. "I know I'm probably the only one who even cares, but still - how can they just ignore the fact that their friends might be in trouble?"

"They don't like it anymore than you do. But they are right, your friends wouldn't be happy if you got caught by Seekers because of them."

"I don't care!" I cried. "I don't care at all!"

"He really is important to you", Burns noticed, probably for the very first time.

I nodded. I knew I couldn't really explain it - after all, how could I explain the fact that Ian was my anchor, the only thing that had ever tied me anywhere? Without him I would still be wandering between the worlds, unable to stay anywhere. Of course, I would miss Melanie and Jamie and Jared, if I were gone, but I could live with that. I always had. But to live without Ian... That wasn't even a possibility.

"He's the father of my child", I explained. That much even Burns could understand.

He looked surprised. "Are you pregnant?"

"Yes. I know it doesn't show yet, but - "

"Well, that's a first. A human and a soul in love, expecting a child. Who would have guessed this day would come?" He laughed silently to himself.

"I did." I raised my chin.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that", Burns apologized quickly. "There's nothing wrong with it, I just... I'd never have thought it was even possible. Of course, biologically, it _is _possible, but the feelings..."

He trailed off.

"So, you have never been in love?" I guessed.

"No. My body has never been in love. Neither have I." He sounded wistful.

"But you like Nate."

"Oh, yes. Very much. He is my very best friend."

"Was... Was he the reason you ended up here?"

Burns shook his head with a sad smile. "No, not directly. It was his partner. Shannon. She was a human. My host, Jeremy, was her twin brother."

I nodded at him, encouraging him to continue.

"When Jeremy got caught, at first he was - " Burns cleared his throat. "_Difficult. _He refused to fade away, like he was supposed to. I'm sure you know the feeling."

"You could say so..."

"He was impossible. He never let me alone. He kept talking to me about his sister, showing me memories about her, yelling at me that he was supposed to take care of her... I guess you can figure out the rest. I started to look for Shannon. The last time Jeremy had seen her, she had also been on a run from the Seekers. We guessed there might still be a chance that she was human, so we searched for her everywhere. Then, in Minneapolis we suddenly found her. Well, we found her body. She was... Dead."

Burns's eyes started to gleam. I swallowed with difficulty.

"That was where I met Nate. He was mourning beside her body. He told us that she had had one of those pills your group has... The cyanide pills. She had... She had swallowed it rather than get caught. I've never been so full of sorrow in my life. I felt like an intruder, a monster... I wanted to rip myself out of Jeremy's head, so he could go on with his life. But he had other plans. After he found Shannon dead, he just... Lost his will to fight. So he disappeared. I've been looking for him ever since, but he's gone. He faded away. There's just me now." "I'm sorry."

"It's all right." Somehow, Burns managed to smile. "I came here with Nate and started over. This is my life now."

"But not mine", I whispered. "My life is with Ian."

bbb.

At some point I managed to fall asleep. It was not deep, and my dreams were so restless that when I woke up the next morning, I felt like I hadn't slept at all. My neck hurt after spending so many hours curled up in a chair.

I put on my clothes and wandered to the dining room, in hopes of seeing Ian there. But my hope crashed the second I reached the door. There were no new faces - just my friends, and the strangers I had met yesterday.

Slowly, I slumped down next to Mel.

"Any word from them?"

"No", Mel answered with a frown. "Apparently, that guy called Nate sneaked out so he could see, if they were somewhere near, but he hasn't come back yet."

I nodded. That certainly didn't cheer me up at all.

"Oh, Wanda", Heidi sighed beside me. "You worry too much! I'm sure all the stress is not good for the baby!"

"Maybe it'd help if someone else worried too", I hinted. "Then I wouldn't have to do it all on my own."

"We _are _worried", Heidi said. "We just - " "You have to think about the larger picture, too. I know", I said quickly and got on my feet. "Is there any work to be done? I'd be more than happy to help."

"Wanda", Heidi said in a reproachful tone. "You haven't eaten your breakfast."

"I can't eat."

"Don't be silly, you have to!"

"I said, I can't eat", I repeated. "I won't be able to stomach it."

"Yes, you will", Mel said and pulled me back on the chair. "Or should I go and ask Jamie to come here?"

She smiled at me meaningfully. I wanted to curse her. Why on Earth had we had to share the same body?

I grabbed a piece of wheat toast from a plate and stuffed it into my mouth. "Happy?"

"I'd be happier if you didn't speak while your mouth is full of food", she muttered.

I sighed and left the dining room. Soon I was joined by a tall redhead, who introduced herself as Charlotte and offered to find me something to do.

"Really? That's so nice of you", I thanked sincerely.

She smiled at me. "My husband goes on raids often. Sometimes he's gone for weeks, and I'm always worried sick. Believe me, I know how you feel. It's easier if there's something you can busy yourself with."

"That's true", I agreed.

She took me to the laundry room and asked me to help patch up some clothes. I had never done it before, but she showed me how to do it. It was quite easy - all you had to do was use a needle. I took a pile of shirts and started to patch them up. Charlotte sat down beside me and chatted about meaningless things. I was surprised to here that her husband's name was Nate.

"The same Nate that owns this place?"

"Yes, the same", she said with a smile. Then she frowned. "You seem surprised."

"It's just that..." I hesitated. I didn't want to offend her or hurt her. "I thought he was in love with that girl called Shannon." "He was", Charlotte agreed. "But she died many years ago, and eventually... He moved on."

That shocked me. I didn't understand, how on Earth could someone move on. At least I would not be able to. Not even if the worst should happen and I would lose Ian - no, I would not move on. I would never love anyone else. He would always be the only one for me.

bbb.

The day passed slowly. I did obediently whatever they told me to do, but my heart wasn't really set on it. Afterwards I couldn't even say, what I had been doing or who I'd been with. Occasionally, someone tried to talk to me, to get to know me. I answered their questions mechanically, but when I later tried to recall what I had said, nothing came to me. I couldn't remember their faces. It was like they hadn't talked to me at all.

I kept glancing at the clock every few minutes, wondering why time didn't pass faster. When it was finally late enough to go to bed, I didn't know whether I should be disappointed or relieved. Disappointed, because they hadn't come back today. Relieved, because I could finally fall asleep and forget everything for a while. I curled next to Mel on a squeaking mattress and tried to close my eyes.

bbb.

That night I was hunted by nightmares. I kept seeing Ian in my dreams. He was captured. He sat on a floor that looked like it belonged to a hospital, chained to a heavy-looking chair. I could tell he was waiting for something, because his expression was restless. Then the door opened and two Healers came in. They looked at him with loath.

"All right, it's time to get you out of that body."

I woke up, screaming.

bbb.

The next day passed in a blur. I woke up, I washed myself, I ate, I worked, I talked, I glanced at the clock. No sign of them. No news. Nothing. Just the silence. The words I didn't hear, the sound of my own breathing, the aching heartbeats in my chest.

I heard Mel ask Jeb whether we had waited long enough. She was anxious to find Jared, too, but Jeb told her we had to keep waiting.

bbb.

At some point, I lost count on the days. I stopped living and started existing, because it was so much easier. I didn't have to concentrate on feeling things, or being happy - I merely had to eat when I was told to, and sleep every once in a while, and my heart kept beating on it's own course. Sometimes I wished it would stop. Sometimes I didn't care at all.

Where was Ian now? I tried to imagine him and the others, wandering in the desert, but I couldn't do it. There was no way they would have gotten lost - they were better than that. But if they weren't lost, what was taking them so long?

bbb.

Three more days passed. Seventy-two painful hours of trying to stay calm, trying to control myself. Finally I made a decision. I couldn't do it anymore. It didn't matter what the others said - that we had to be careful, that there was still time, that I had to take care of myself for my child's sake. I was sure that my child would forgive me for endangering it, because I only did it to find it's father.

I waited until everyone had fallen asleep. Usually I slept next to Mel, but she had been absent for a couple of nights. I had no idea where she went every night, but today I was grateful about the fact that she was not with me. It made everything so much easier.

When I was sure that no one would notice me, I sat up and slipped my shoes back on my feet. Then I sneaked out of the room as quietly as possible.

I had prepared well; I knew exactly, where Jeb had left the van. It had been a while since the last time I'd been behind the wheel, because Jared always insisted on driving on the raids, but I was sure I would manage. I searched for the keys in my pocket. I had stolen them earlier today, while I had washed Jeb's coat.

I sat in the front seat and took a deep breath. I could do this. I had food and water. As for the map... I didn't think I would need it this time, because this time I had no idea where I was going. Anywhere, if that meant finding Ian.

"All right", I muttered to myself. "Let's go."

The van purred into life. I slammed my foot on the gas pedal quickly before anyone could hear and come to check on the van. Then I turned the car around, towards the secret exit.

"Whatta - ?" A sleepy, confused voice from the backseat murmured. "Wanda! What the hell are you doing?"

I glanced at the rear mirror, only to see Mel's angry eyes glaring at me.

bbb.

TBC

A/N2: Thank you again for your comments! It's so nice to notice that someone actually likes this, I'm always so insecure about my writings :(


End file.
